Affirming ”Helicopter Parents”: How To Hover Constructively

March 23, 2017August 20, 2009 by Vicki Nelson

This is the third of three posts that consider the concept of college helicopter parents. The concept is certainly not new, but it warrants continual examination – and sometimes redefinition. In our first post, we looked at the definition of helicopter parents, as well as some of the motivation behind parental hovering. In our second post, we examined who helicopter parents are and how they operate, and in this post, we consider the consequences of helicoptering and suggest some possible ways in which parents might hover productively.

Helicopter parents, (those parents who hover closely over their children, ready to swoop in at a moment’s notice to rescue the student or attack the enemy) have caused colleges to express concern about parental involvement in college students’ lives. Many colleges clearly send messages to parents to “back off” or “stay away”. In most instances, it doesn’t work. Parents continue to be closely involved in their students’ lives because they feel that they are needed to help the student be successful. Many parents may not fully understand the consequences of excessive involvement or hovering.

Affirming ”Helicopter Parents”: A Look in the Mirror

March 23, 2017August 18, 2009 by Vicki Nelson

This is the second of three posts that consider the concept of college helicopter parents. The concept is certainly not new, but it warrants continual examination – and sometimes redefinition. In our first post, we looked at the definition of helicopter parents, as well as some of the motivation behind parental hovering. In this post, we will examine who helicopter parents are and how they operate, and in our final post, we will consider the consequences of helicoptering and suggest some possible ways in which parents might hover productively.

Who are today’s helicopter parents?

Today’s helicopter parents are the baby boomers who have programmed and protected their children since they were born. They are parents who have been involved in every aspect of their children’s activities. Like parents of all generations, they want the best for their children, but they believe that achieving that best requires direct parental involvement.

There are more than a few helicopter parents. According to a recent National Survey of Student Engagement, which surveyed approximately 10,000 students at 24 colleges in the United States, forty percent of freshmen say a parent has intervened to solve a problem for them. The majority of these students are not unhappy to have their parents involved.

What Parents Can Do To Support Their College Student Studying Abroad

September 1, 2022August 13, 2009 by Vicki Nelson

This is the third of a series of three posts about college students and studying abroad. In the first post we looked at some of the reasons why a study abroad program might make sense for your college student. In the second post, we considered how to help your student prepare to go abroad, and in this final post we look at what to do while he is away.

Your college student has headed off confidently (or perhaps with a bit of trepidation) on her study abroad experience. You are proud of her, excited for her, and perhaps, a bit concerned for her. You know that the experience is important and wonderful for her, but you are a parent and you worry. Here are a few suggestions of things that you can do to help ease the transition – for her – and for you.

Helping Your College Student Prepare To Study Abroad

June 1, 2022August 11, 2009 by Vicki Nelson

This is the second of a series of three posts about college students and studying abroad. In the first post we looked at some of the reasons why a study abroad program might make sense for your college student. In this post, we consider how to help your student prepare to go abroad, and in the final post we’ll look at what to do while he is away.

Now that your student has decided to study abroad and has chosen an appropriate program, the real preparation begins. There is much to do to get ready for this new and exciting experience. As the college parent, your role will be largely supportive, but your involvement will be crucial. Working with your student to ensure the best experience possible can be rewarding for both of you. Remember, though, that your student needs to be in charge of preparations. This is good practice for the independence that he will need while he is away.

Here are some suggestions of ways in which you might be helpful.

Understanding Why Your Son Or Daughter Wants to Study Abroad

June 15, 2021August 9, 2009 by Vicki Nelson

This is the first of a series of three posts about college students and studying abroad. In this post we’ll look at some of the reasons that a study abroad program might make sense for your college student. In the following two posts, we’ll consider how to help your student prepare to go abroad, and what to do while he is away.

We live today in a global society. Worldwide knowledge and experiences are becoming expected in the workplace. Many students consider studying abroad and look forward to the opportunity to spend some time in a foreign country during their college years. This experience may take the form of a summer program, an organized college trip, or a semester or year abroad. For many college parents, understanding their student’s desire to spend a year far away in another country seems obvious, while for others it make take some work.

As a parent, you may understand completely why your student wants to study abroad – in fact you may be envious of the experience. Your student may have talked about and planned for this experience even prior to attending college. On the other hand, perhaps you hadn’t considered this, and you may be wondering why your student, who worked so hard to transition to college and settle in, would want to uproot, even for a semester, to do it all again. The more that you work to understand your student’s motivation for studying abroad, the more you will be able to discuss his options with him.

Eight Life Skills You Should Teach Your College Freshman Before They Head to College

June 22, 2022July 9, 2009 by Vicki Nelson

We send our students off to college to get an education. We know that, in addition to their academic pursuits, they will be learning about life and the “real world”. So why should we need to teach them anything before they head out the door? Because there are some skills that will help them survive on their own as they navigate the world of college. Here are eight skills that will help your student succeed in “College 101”.

Why Doesn’t My College Freshman Want To Attend Orientation?

May 17, 2022July 2, 2009 by Vicki Nelson

Most colleges conduct some kind of orientation for incoming students. The orientation session may happen during the summer, or just prior to the beginning of classes. Orientation is valuable and helpful for incoming students. Your student is excited about beginning her college career. But you are taken by surprise when it comes time for orientation and your student says she doesn’t want to attend – and may even say she’s changed her mind about attending college! What’s going on?

The entire summer before the first year of college is likely to be a pendulum for your student between excitement and terror, longing for independence and clinging to home. He may not even realize what a roller coaster ride he’s on, but the more that you remember the enormity of this transition, the more that you can help – even if it is just through your patience. Although orientation may seem just the natural next step toward college, it may be one of the biggest steps.

Helping Your College Student Find Support On Campus

September 16, 2021June 22, 2009 by Vicki Nelson

As a college parent, you want to support your college student in any way that you can. You talk on the phone (but hopefully not too often), you send mail (students love to find something in their mailbox), you send care packages, you listen when they share joys or worries; but there is a limit to what you can do. In your attempts to help your student find their increasing independence and sense of responsibility, you need to help your student find and use appropriate on-campus support systems.

Your college student may continue to turn to you for help. Or they may feel that being grown up means that they need to do everything for themselves. In either case, your student may not be finding and taking advantage of the resources available on campus. Be there, but help your student consider who else might best help. Ask questions and suggest that your student investigate some of the possible support available on campus. Here are fifteen possible sources of help.

Connecting With Your College Student By Phone — Part 3

March 25, 2017June 18, 2009 by Vicki Nelson

This is the third part in a three part series about phone conversations with your college student. In the first post, we considered the nature of our phone conversations with our student. In the second post, we considered how your phone conversations might change as the semester progresses. In this post, we offer some suggestions for maximizing your phone conversations with your student.

You’ve made the phone conversations with your student routine. You’re ready to listen, and you’re prepared to listen to her college adventures and share something about life at home. But sometimes the conversation just doesn’t flow. How can you encourage your college student to share her thoughts with you? Sometimes it’s all about the questions you ask – and the responses you make.

Here are five suggestions for those more awkward conversations.

Important Academic Conversations with Your Student Throughout the Semester

September 16, 2021June 17, 2009 by Vicki Nelson

All conversations with your college student will be different. Sometimes your student will have lots to tell you or ask you, and other times you will both be searching for things to say to each other. However the conversations go, they are important times for sharing news, sharing feelings, making plans, and encouraging each other. Most of these conversations will probably not be about academics. However, there may be sometimes during the term when you will want to “check in” about how things are going in classes. Here are some possible suggestions for conversations at various times throughout the semester.

About a week into the semester:

By now your student has been in classes for one week and has probably had at least one class meeting for each of their courses. This is a good time to ask how they like them and whether they have read all of the syllabi carefully. If the college has a Drop/Add period, that deadline may be coming up soon. This is a good time to ask whether your student needs to drop or add any classes. (Remember that they may need to maintain a minimum number of credits to be considered a full time student – important for residence life, athletics, financial aid, and possibly health insurance.)