Category — Communicating with Your Student
There’s an overwhelming amount information available to parents and students about the cost of college tuition, financial aid packages, and finding scholarships to help make college more affordable. There’s no getting around the fact that college is expensive and that parents and students need to talk about the cost of college and how they plan to make that work.
But beyond the big picture, once your student is in college, the responsibility of managing the day-to-day expenses in college should shift to your student. This might be a gradual process; it doesn’t need to happen all at once, but college is an excellent time to practice financial skills to prepare for the “real world” after graduation.
Talk to your student
One interesting finding in surveys of student finances may be surprising to many parents: students want to learn more about managing their money – and they want to learn it from their parents.
January 23, 2017 No Comments
Right now, most college students are just hanging on through the final days or weeks of the semester. They’re facing final papers, final projects, review sessions, and of course, final exams. But at the end of it all will be Winter Break – a time to finally sleep, and eat, and sleep, and catch up with friends, and sleep. Parents, are you ready for the next two or three or five or even six weeks?
Most parents and families are anxiously looking forward to having their college student home again. But many parents may also be a bit nervous about what to expect. If this is the first time that your student will be home for more than a few days since you dropped him off on move-in day, you may be more than a little nervous about what to expect.
Some of the keys to a great break for everyone are to anticipate what to expect, be prepared, and communicate with your student. College Parent Central has several articles about how to make the most of this Winter Break, and we’ll share them below. Take a few minutes to read them and to think about what you can do to be sure that you have a good break. We’d also like to offer a few highlights to get you started.
December 6, 2016 2 Comments
As parents sending our students off to college we’ve been told to expect that our student will be homesick. (We’ve written a post saying essentially the same thing – and it has some good advice). We’ve been told it’s inevitable. That it might happen right away or that it might take a while, but it will happen. According to UCLA’s Higher Education Research Institute, close to 65% of college students will experience homesickness. So it’s good to be prepared.
Is it really homesickness?
What is almost certain is that most students will experience some unhappiness, stress, and anxiety at some point. It is a natural reaction to being out of your element and in unfamiliar territory. It’s what happens before you become, as Harlan Cohen terms it in his book The Naked Roommate, “comfortable with the uncomfortable.” But are our students really homesick?
It depends on how you define homesick. Are these students really missing home? Are they really missing us? They hardly talked to us all summer. They’ve worked hard for years to get to this place. Just a few short weeks ago – or maybe days – they couldn’t wait to leave. They couldn’t wait to be out on their own. Is it really home and parents that they are missing?
August 23, 2016 No Comments
In our last post we shared some of the information gathered in the latest parental survey conducted by the College Parents of America organization. Among the statistics gathered as part of this survey, nearly 24% of parents expressed concern that their student will be successful in college and will complete their degree on time. That’s a lot of parents with concerns.
Some parents are concerned about their student’s academic preparation (6%) and others (18%) express concern that other factors may impede their student’s progress. Some of these parental concerns may be more well-founded than others, but whatever fears or concerns parents may have, worrying about your child’s success means that sending your student off to college may be especially difficult.
It is a helpless feeling to worry about something that you can’t control or confront. Of course, there will always be some concerns, but we’d like to offer some suggestions that may help parents and their students face some of the concerns that may be clouding the college send-off. These suggestions aren’t intended to minimize parental concerns, and they won’t eliminate real issues, but they may help parents and student identify and discuss the issues that exist.
August 9, 2016 No Comments
It’s that time of year. Reflections and looking back at the year that is ending, and Hopeful Beginnings as we look ahead and plan for the year to come. Sometimes resolutions seem silly – we probably won’t keep them anyway. But making a few New Year’s resolutions means thinking about the year to come – and what we’d like it (or us) to be like.
So as we begin 2016, we’d like to offer some suggestions for your college parenting year. Take a few minutes to read our suggestions from previous years at the end of this post as well. Our hope is to give you lots to think about – and then you choose what makes sense to you, or even better, make up your own.
This year, we’d like to suggest nine activities to undertake with your college student (or soon-to-be college student.) We do a lot of talking here at College Parent Central about communicating with your student. But communicating can sometimes more easily occur while you are doing something together. And doing something together often brings surprising discoveries (not to mention lots of fun) as you work or play together.
January 4, 2016 No Comments
Well, at least not right away.
You’ve anxiously awaited Thanksgiving Break to have your student home from college. You expect that this first real break home will require some adjustments on everyone’s part, but you can’t wait for the chance to talk to your student.
How, then, could we possibly suggest that you not talk to your student?
What we’d like to suggest is that you take more time this break to listen to your student instead of talking. Try to sit back a little and see what unfolds. Read your student’s mood. (He’s going to be exhausted, so he may just want to sleep at first.) You might throw in a few questions, but not many. And keep any questions open-ended and light. Don’t ask about every detail of life at college. (This is going to be hard.) Don’t press for information about grades and classes. (This may be even harder.)
November 16, 2015 No Comments
That moment on Move-in Day when you say your final goodbye to your college student and get in the car to drive away is a moment that will change your relationship with her forever. This is the moment that many parents fear. This is the reason that we try so hard to hold on tightly that last August. This is the reason that some parents hover and earn the “helicopter parent” title. This is the dreaded moment that can elicit tears.
Sending your student off to college is a milestone. And your relationship with your student will change. But that change may not be what you expect – or fear. As most parents worry about their changing relationship with their student, they think about what they may lose. They may not think about that relationship improving and getting better and even more fulfilling.
How can that be? How can your relationship improve if you aren’t there all of the time? Can this really be true?
November 4, 2015 No Comments
‘Tis the season of graduations and commencements. And if there are graduations and commencements, then there are certainly speeches.
Most graduation speakers, students and dignitaries alike, work hard to craft a message that is a little bit autobiographical, a little bit clever and humorous, a little bit thought-provoking, and delivers an important message about life.
In spite of the hard work that these speech writers put in to their speeches, most also know that not many in the room, or auditorium, or gym or on the quad, will be listening. And of those who listen, only a small percentage will remember what was said. When she delivered the Commencement address at Harvard University in 2008, author J. K. Rowling actually found comfort in the fact that probably no one would remember what she had to say. It calmed her nerves. Obviously, graduation speeches are lost on the graduates.
But graduations and commencements continue to feature speakers who deliver advice and proclaim values that could, indeed, become life changing – or at least life guiding. And perhaps some of the people who benefit most from those speeches are the writers themselves. It is no easy task to decide what single message you think will most benefit a group of young adults about to head to college or out into the world.
May 18, 2015 No Comments
Sending your high school senior off to be a college freshman was exciting, scary and possibly a little sad. But you’ve had time to get over many of those mixed emotions and you’re looking forward to him coming home for winter break. You know you’ll have some negotiating to do so that everyone is comfortable with “house rules” during break, you’ll have a chance to catch up on his new life, and then he’ll return for round two – spring semester.
But what happens if, once your student is home for break, he says that he doesn’t want to return to school? You hadn’t anticipated this and you aren’t prepared.
Dissatisfaction with the college experience at the end of the first semester is not uncommon. Several national studies suggest that one third of college students do not return for their sophomore year of college, but there is little data regarding how many of those students leave at the midpoint of their first year. However, both college personnel and first year students know that there are many students who will not be back for second semester.
So you are faced with a dilemma. Your student says he does not want to return to school. What do you do?
December 11, 2014 2 Comments
In our last post, we discussed the culture shock that often occurs when students head to college. Some students, and their parents, may not be prepared for the roller coaster ride as students become acclimated to their new environment. Knowing that the ups and downs that students experience are normal will help everyone.
Once your student has made the transition to school and begun to feel comfortable in his new “culture” of college, both you and he may feel that the transition is complete. However, an important stage remains – returning home again. Whether the return is relatively brief – for winter break or summer vacation perhaps – or whether it is a more permanent move back home, you and your student should be prepared for potential re-entry awkwardness and difficulties. Once again, however, the process is normal. Understanding it may help.
The reverse culture shock of returning home may take your student by surprise because it is unexpected and because he doesn’t realize how much both he, and you, have changed during the transition time. This second transition process may be especially difficult because it is unexpected.
November 13, 2014 1 Comment