Helping Your College Student Control the Overwhelm

March 6, 2023 by Vicki Nelson

We’re all stressed these days and students are no different. They’re stressed and anxious and struggling with their mental health now more than ever. It’s not very comfortable when we feel stressed and anxious, but it’s worse watching someone you love struggle.

A certain amount of stress is a normal part of college life. After all, there are assignments and papers and projects and exams and grades and social life and future careers to worry about. But when stress slides into feeling overwhelmed by everything, it can feel too challenging to manage.

What is overwhelm? It’s when your student feels submerged, smothered and paralyzed by it all. A certain amount of stress may be normal, but overwhelm feels like too much.

Why the overwhelm?

Students are juggling a lot. They have schoolwork, possibly a job, a social life, perceived pressure to do well, expectations to live up to, increased responsibilities and independence, overscheduling and probably a lack of sleep.

What’s Going On with Your Student in Trouble?

November 25, 2022 by Vicki Nelson

It’s possible you may be taken by surprise if you learn that your student is struggling or in trouble – especially academically. You didn’t see this coming and wonder how you missed it.

On the other hand, you may clearly see that your student is in difficulty but wonder how your student is missing it – or at least not talking about it.

Of course, there are other times when no one sees it coming and everyone is taken by surprise. Trouble may have been brewing for a while, but it seems to have come out of nowhere.

My student won’t talk about it – or even admit there’s trouble.

This can be especially frustrating. It’s obvious that your student needs help and you’re willing to support them in finding it. But your student seems to be shutting you out. What’s going on?

“I’m embarrassed and ashamed because I’m failing some of my classes. I’m supposed to be able to do this work and my parents – and the rest of my family and friends – expect me to do well. My parents are paying a lot of money and now it’s wasted. The college must have made a mistake in admitting me. If I don’t tell anyone about this maybe they won’t find out.”

Review: The Disintegrating Student

September 26, 2022 by Vicki Nelson

From time to time, we like to review some of the books available for parents of college students. There is a wealth of literature available to help parents cope with the transition to college and the changes that occur throughout the college years. We’ve offered some lists of recommended reading, and there is something for everyone. Visit our Resources page for suggestions of important books for college parents and their students.

The Disintegrating Student: Struggling But Smart and Falling Apart . . . and How to Turn It Around by Dr. Jeanine Jannot is a book that will help any parent with a falling-apart student – or any parent who worries that their student might someday struggle. What Jannot recognizes, and explains so clearly for parents, is that many (most?) students will reach what Jannot calls a “rigor tipping point.” According to Jannot, “These students all had a history of outstanding academic achievement. . . And then, often without any apparent warning, some of the best and brightest of these conscientious, motivated kids seemed to fall apart, both academically and emotionally.”

Readmitted to College! Now What?

August 22, 2022 by Vicki Nelson

More and more students right now are taking a break from college. Some need a semester off and others need more time. Some choose to leave school and others may be academically dismissed or suspended, most often because they were overwhelmed or unprepared rather than for lack of ability.

If your student is dismissed from college, it can be a traumatic event for both your student and you. Deciding what to do and finding the way back can be a complex but often fulfilling process. If your student is newly dismissed, we have several articles that may help you and your student find your way.

What to Do If Your Student Is Academically Dismissed from College

Academically Dismissed from College: Time for a Reset

Academically Dismissed from College? Ten Steps to Move On

This article begins where those articles left off.

Your student has taken some time off, has applied for readmission and has been accepted. Now what?

8 Reasons Why a Summer Class May Make Sense for Your Student This Year

May 11, 2020 by Vicki Nelson

This spring has been unsettling, challenging, and downright scary for many of us, including our college students. They’ve been uprooted from college and replanted at home, with little opportunity to go anywhere or see anyone other than their family. Like some garden plants, not all transplant well. All require a little extra care — some extra water and not too much sun — while they adjust.

Your student may have made the transition to college-from-home smoothly or may have struggled with this new learning environment. Fortunately for many students, the semester is either over or just about there. It’s time for a collective sigh of relief. However it turned out, at least it’s done.

Taking a break – or taking a class?

So why, then, might your student want to turn around and sign up for a class or two this summer — especially if they didn’t like this new online environment? Shouldn’t they just relax and breathe that sigh of relief that they got through it? Don’t they deserve a break?

How to Drop Out of College (the Smart Way)

February 17, 2020 by Vicki Nelson

No, we’re not advocating that students drop out of college. Staying in college is a good thing and graduating from college is even better. But, unfortunately, a lot of students aren’t able to finish college as planned. According to the National Center for Education Statistics, the national six-year graduation rate is about 60%. That means that 4 of 10 students who start college may drop out before graduating.

Why do students leave?

There are many reasons that students leave college. There may be one overriding factor or there may be multiple factors. According to most surveys, the primary reason for leaving is financial. College tuition costs continue to rise and many students, and their families, find that they simply cannot continue to put together the necessary funds or continue to amass huge college loans.

Another reason for leaving is closely related to financial issues. According to one study, financed by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, 54% of students who attend college work full time. Many of these students find that they cannot continue to balance a full time job and full time student load, and so they drop out.

Students may also leave college for reasons beyond financial. Some students find they are not prepared academically for college level work. Some cite lack of support or social difficulties such as fitting in, finding friends, or getting caught up in a culture of drinking or drugs. Some encounter mental health issues or lack the maturity to be able to function independently. And some students may simply be unmotivated: perhaps they never wanted to attend college or they are uninspired by their major or field of study.

Whatever the reason, if your student begins to talk about dropping out of college, it can be scary. You’re not sure what to do or where to go from here.

5 Situations that May Be Paralyzing Your College Student Right Now

November 23, 2019 by Vicki Nelson

There’s a rhythm to a college semester.

There’s the nervousness at the beginning of the semester as students look at the syllabus for each class and realize that there will be a lot of work to do. Gradually, however, routine settles in and work feels more manageable, and not as overwhelming as it seemed at first. This may be a bit of a honeymoon phase.

For many students, the first reality check may be midterm exams and midterm grades. This is the time to discover what has been working and, for some students, a recognition that some things need to change.

As students near the end of the semester, a second reality check occurs. Now there are only a few weeks remaining and some students may become paralyzed as they face their situation. They freeze because they’re not sure how to begin or how to deal with what needs to be done. If you feel that your student may be overwhelmed by any of these situations, start a conversation.

5 situations that may be paralyzing your student and how to take action

Attendance — Your student has missed a few classes. Actually, your student has missed many classes. They haven’t been to class in a few days, or maybe even a few weeks.

When Your College Student’s Class Isn’t Going Well

September 10, 2019October 8, 2018 by Vicki Nelson

There are many reasons why your student may struggle in a class. It may be something that your student is, or isn’t doing. It may be the professor and/or teaching style. It may be the subject matter. It may be the transition to college, or to sophomore year, or to upper level classes.

But ultimately, it doesn’t matter what the reason is. If your student is struggling, or doing poorly in a class, you worry. You want to help. Perhaps they should come home more often so you can check progress and their academic planner. Perhaps you should call them every evening to make sure they are doing homework. Perhaps you should speak to the professor. Perhaps you should buy a duplicate set of textbooks so you can consult on the assignments to make sure they understand the material. (True story, it has happened!) Perhaps you should just pull them out of school.

Wait! It’s time to take a breath.

None of these options is the answer. You’ll still worry. There’s really no way to get around that, but your student needs to find their own solutions. This doesn’t mean that you can’t consult and help your student think through the options. That’s part of your coaching role. So here are some options to discuss with your student.

How College Parents Can Help Their Student Avoid Sophomore Slump

September 10, 2018 by Vicki Nelson

College administrators, faculty, and parents place a lot of emphasis on the transition to college and the first-year experience. We all know that these new college students, and their parents, will be undergoing a tremendous change in their lives as they enter the world of college. Colleges run orientation programs, offer special classes and seminars for first-year students, communicate with these new students with encouragement and reminders, and often have a ”let it go” attitude when new students make mistakes or miss deadlines.

Once students complete that tumultuous first year of college, they face sophomore year and the changes that it brings. Our sophomore students need just as much support from home, even though that need may be less obvious. As college parents, we can help our sophomore students realize that the concept of sophomore slump really does exist.

What is sophomore slump?

Sophomore slump refers to the phenomenon in which a second effort fails to live up to the quality of a first effort. The term is also used in sports (for second year players) and in music (for second recordings by an artist). At college, students in their second, or sophomore, year often experience both a let-down and a decrease in their grades. If the word sophomore means ”wise fool,” it is an accurate description of how many second year students feel: they aren’t sure whether they feel wise or foolish at any given moment.

Why does sophomore slump happen?

There are several things that occur during the second year of college that can contribute to the slump that sophomores may encounter. These are especially troubling if your student is unprepared for the differences during this year of college. Parents and students need to understand the ways in which this year is different from that first year of college.

When Your College Senior Hates Their Major

August 1, 2019January 29, 2018 by Vicki Nelson

You’re almost at the finish line. You’ve made it through that somewhat scary freshman year, the potential sophomore slump, junior year, and your student is now top of the heap — a senior! It’s time for celebration and planning for Commencement.

But then it happens. Your student decides that they hates their major. They’re devastated. You’re devastated. You’re both at least a little scared. Perhaps it’s the courses they’re now taking that sealed the deal. Or perhaps they had an internship or opportunity to get out in the field and hated the experience. Your student’s upset, depressed and at a loss. And so are you. What now?

It’s a very difficult situation and it’s natural to be upset. Discovering late in the college experience that your major doesn’t seem right can feel overwhelming. And, as is often the case, it’s almost harder as a parent to watch your student be so unhappy. But the situation is not unique. Many students have second, and third, and fourth, thoughts about major and career — even in their senior year.