Adjusting to college life is often harder than most first year students and their parents anticipate. Students know that life at college is going to be different, and they are excited, and perhaps a bit anxious, about starting their adventure. But it’s difficult to anticipate how different life may be when you don’t exactly know what to expect. College is, for many students, a foreign culture.
Most students don’t equate entering college to entering a different culture. When we talk about culture, we often refer to those things that we do and accept without really thinking about them: our way of life. We have expectations, values, ways of talking, eating, behaving, relating to each other, and even thinking – but we don’t give these things any conscious thought most of the time. When your student heads to college, she may need to think consciously about how she manages much of her daily life. She needs to adjust – and that adjustment will come gradually.
Making the cultural adjustment
Most students make the adjustment to college life eventually. However, each student may adjust according to a different timetable. Some students may find that the adjustment comes fairly easily – they hardly realize that it is happening. Other students find the process difficult, slow, and even painful at times. However, the stages of cultural adjustment are similar for most everyone. If you’ve ever spent a significant amount of time in a foreign country, you may have experienced these phases yourself.
Helping your student understand and anticipate the stages of cultural adjustment will help her to be prepared for potential culture shock.
When your student first arrives at college she may experience the honeymoon phase. She has made it! She has spent the last several years working toward this goal and it is finally happening! Everything is new and exciting. She is fascinated by the novelty of her experiences and enthusiastic about the opportunities before her. The college is likely spreading the red carpet for new students with special activities and support. Your student feels positive and successful.
One problem may be that she expects that this phase and these feelings will continue.
Initial culture shock
Ouch! Things begin to go wrong and it takes your student by surprise. Your student begins to fatigue and realize how different everything really is. She may begin to become frustrated and annoyed at the differences and realize how much work it takes to manage within this new culture.
This is the stage during which you may hear from your unhappy student. It is the time when many parents receive the “meltdown phone call.” Everything is awful, your student is homesick, angry, lonely, anxious and overwhelmed. She may want to come home. She feels that she doesn’t belong, doesn’t know how to make friends, doesn’t like the food or her living arrangements, can’t manage her classes, and doesn’t fit in.
During this stage your student may feel less competent and may question her decision to attend this college – or even to attend college at all. She begins to question the way everyone does everything or even question her own values and habits. She may feel helpless.
One problem may be that she doesn’t realize that this phase will probably pass if she gives it time.
Recovery and adjustment
Things get better. At least they seem to get better. Your student is able to resolve many of her conflicts and problems, she begins to appreciate the way things are done in this new environment, she finds helpful resources – both internal and external – and her feelings may become more balanced. Life may not be perfect, and she still faces some surprises and mixed feelings, but she begins to feel competent in her ability to function and handle herself at college.
The problem is that this phase may be somewhat superficial and may change yet again.
It is possible that this phase may take students (and their parents) most by surprise. Perhaps your student anticipated, consciously or unconsciously, initial adjustments. She may have expected that she would feel unhappy and homesick and some point and then things would get better. When she began to make adjustments during the recovery phase, she thought she had made it. Then something else happens.
During this phase your student may begin to confront some deeper, more personal differences between her values, expectations, and lifestyle. She may need to turn inward more to understand her unhappiness or discomfort. Perhaps classes aren’t going the way she had hoped. Perhaps her early friendships are less fulfilling than she had hoped. Perhaps she is finding that her major or area of studies doesn’t feel right.
Whatever the problems are now, they seem to be more within and have less to do with the superficial characteristics of the college culture. Your student has internal work to do.
The problem may be that your student feels that these doubts mean that she has failed to adapt to the new culture. She doesn’t have the patience to continue the adjustment process.
Assimilation and Adaptation
If your student perseveres, she may eventually find that she has truly accepted her new life at college and she feels integrated into the culture. Finally, she has a realistic understanding of what is involved in her new life and she has made some personal changes. Your student can now appreciate both her home culture and her new college culture. She is now, in effect, bicultural. She has more maturity and confidence in her abilities and the new person that she has become.
The parent perspective
Watching your college student progress through the phases of cultural adaptation to college may be a difficult roller coaster ride. We are always uncomfortable with our student’s discomfort. We want to make it better for them. Understanding the phases, and realizing that this is a normal process, helps. Helping your student understand is important as well.
Remember, too, that when your student has finally assimilated to her new culture she also gains a new appreciation of her home culture. As a parent, you have not lost her, you now have a student with a new depth of experiences and understanding.
Not quite done
You should certainly celebrate your student’s achievement in making the important, and sometimes difficult, adjustment to college. However, remember that your student will also be returning home – at least for vacations and breaks. Our next post looks at the reverse culture shock that may happen as she makes yet another transition.