Deflecting the Q & A of the Holiday Dinner Table

November 21, 2023 by Vicki Nelson

Q & A, in this instance, means Questions and Advice, just what your college or high school student does not want to deal with at the holiday dinner table. But it’s almost inevitable, as the extended family gathers and wants to hear where your student is going to school, what they’ll major in, or how that first semester of college has been going.

Jeff Selingo has written two of my favorite books for college parents, There Is Life After College and Who Gets In and Why. I recommend them any time I can. So when I saw Jeff’s Instagram reel sharing his response to parent questions about the Question and Advice dilemma, I knew it was worth sharing.

The first question was from the parent of a high school senior who wanted to know how his son could deal with all of the inevitable questions he knew he’d get about the colleges he’s applied to. Jeff’s advice was spot on. He suggested turning the conversation around and asking the inquiring relative about their experiences. Where did they go to school? Where else had they applied or considered? Why did they make the choice they did? What had they learned from the process or what did they wish they had known earlier? Was there anything they might have done differently?

The Missing Piece in Many Student (and Parent) Orientations

August 29, 2023August 29, 2023 by Vicki Nelson

Most students, and many parents, participate in an Orientation session (sometimes multiple days) at the beginning of the college journey. Colleges work hard to help students and parents understand what to expect, learn about resources, and be prepared for the road ahead.

But for many students and their families, there may be a missing (or under-emphasized) piece – information about campus sexual violence.

It’s a topic that makes many of us, especially as parents, uncomfortable. We don’t like to think about it, we assume it won’t be an issue for our student, and as long as it is at least touched upon during Orientation we assume and hope that is enough.

It may not be.

Why?

Fact: 1 in 4 female students, 1 in 15 male students, and 1 in 5 gender nonconforming students are sexually assaulted during their college year.

Fact: What experts refer to as “the red zone”, the time between the start of the fall semester through Thanksgiving break is a time when more than 50% of all college sexual assaults are statistically found to occur. This is the time of parties, Greek “rush” events and a time when first-year students are particularly vulnerable because of their unfamiliarity with the campus and lack of a strong on-campus support group.

Fact: More than 90% of these incidents are perpetrated by repeat offenders.

Fact: Less than 10% of sexual assaults are reported.

Rising College Sophomore? Here’s What You Need to Discuss with Your Student

July 24, 2023 by Vicki Nelson

It’s summer, and your college student now has a year of college behind them. You may be breathing a sigh of relief remembering how busy you were at this time last year trying to help your student get ready to head off for the first time. There was so much to do last year – and so much stress for everyone!

This year it feels as though everyone can finally relax. Your student knows what to expect when they go back to school in the fall, and it may feel as though you’re not needed this year.

You’re not quite off the hook yet – and neither is your student. Actually, there are quite a few things that your student could be thinking about and doing this summer to help make the second year of college begin smoothly – and to avoid the dreaded “sophomore slump.”

Help Your College Grad Feel Better About Moving Back Home

April 24, 2023 by Vicki Nelson

If you have a student graduating from college or graduate school in the next few weeks, chances are you may be getting that bedroom or basement ready to welcome them home again. It can be an emotional time – and you and your student may have different emotions about the impending living arrangements.

The last few weeks of senior year, including senior festivities and all of those activities surrounding “lasts” and Commencement, are both exhilarating and exhausting. Your student will be moving from the ultimate high to coming face-to-face with the reality of determining what’s next. Or it may be possible that your student graduated a year or two ago, gave a try to a new job and living on their own and is now returning home once again to rethink whether that was the right move.

Your student has become one of the Boomerang Generation – returning back to where they started. They aren’t alone. According to the Wall Street Journal, the percentage of students living at home with parents is the highest it has been since 1940. The Pew Research Center in 2016 found that 32 percent of young adults 18-34 were living at home. Seventy percent of those were happy with the arrangement, 96 percent helped with routine chores, and 75 percent contributed to expenses.

Helping Your College Student Control the Overwhelm

March 6, 2023 by Vicki Nelson

We’re all stressed these days and students are no different. They’re stressed and anxious and struggling with their mental health now more than ever. It’s not very comfortable when we feel stressed and anxious, but it’s worse watching someone you love struggle.

A certain amount of stress is a normal part of college life. After all, there are assignments and papers and projects and exams and grades and social life and future careers to worry about. But when stress slides into feeling overwhelmed by everything, it can feel too challenging to manage.

What is overwhelm? It’s when your student feels submerged, smothered and paralyzed by it all. A certain amount of stress may be normal, but overwhelm feels like too much.

Why the overwhelm?

Students are juggling a lot. They have schoolwork, possibly a job, a social life, perceived pressure to do well, expectations to live up to, increased responsibilities and independence, overscheduling and probably a lack of sleep.

Your Student Needs This Time Over Winter Break

December 26, 2022December 13, 2022 by Vicki Nelson

This article is an update of an earlier article.

Winter Break. Most college students look forward to it – and they get increasingly impatient for it as the semester draws to a close. Students face deadlines they may have ignored, final papers, final projects, final exams, and a generally stressful few weeks as they finish up their term.

Winter Break

Students don’t want this Break, they need this Break. They’ve worked hard all semester and they need a chance to regroup. This winter, no one is sure what to expect. Covid, the flu, and RSV are making everyone a little nervous. We’re inching back to normal and we hope Winter Break will be comfortable and safe for everyone. The next few weeks may prove challenging for everyone. But wherever you are and whatever your circumstances, most students need one thing as this semester draws to a close: time.

Not all time is the same

No matter how long your student’s break from college, they need to fill it with different kinds of time to help them recharge and to prepare to move forward.

Eight kinds of time your student needs

Downtime

The end of the semester can be brutal for some students. Your student may come home and sleep for what seems like days. They may just want to binge watch their favorites, play video games, eat junk food, sleep some more and just hang out.

What’s Going On with Your Student in Trouble?

November 25, 2022 by Vicki Nelson

It’s possible you may be taken by surprise if you learn that your student is struggling or in trouble – especially academically. You didn’t see this coming and wonder how you missed it.

On the other hand, you may clearly see that your student is in difficulty but wonder how your student is missing it – or at least not talking about it.

Of course, there are other times when no one sees it coming and everyone is taken by surprise. Trouble may have been brewing for a while, but it seems to have come out of nowhere.

My student won’t talk about it – or even admit there’s trouble.

This can be especially frustrating. It’s obvious that your student needs help and you’re willing to support them in finding it. But your student seems to be shutting you out. What’s going on?

“I’m embarrassed and ashamed because I’m failing some of my classes. I’m supposed to be able to do this work and my parents – and the rest of my family and friends – expect me to do well. My parents are paying a lot of money and now it’s wasted. The college must have made a mistake in admitting me. If I don’t tell anyone about this maybe they won’t find out.”

26 Admission Questions You May Not Have Thought Of

August 30, 2022 by Vicki Nelson

The college admission process is long and it is often complex. An important part of that process is visiting the colleges on your student’s list. But college visits are about so much more than just showing up.

A good college visit involves doing your homework before you go, listening between the lines to the admission presentation, and knowing what questions to ask to gather just the information you need. As intimidating as this may sound at first, college visits can be one of the fun aspects of this intense process.

The questions you ask (or even better, your student asks) are often fairly standard. How large are classes? Can students have a car? What are the popular majors? What is the graduation rate? These are important pieces of information, and you should ask all of the questions that are on your mind. But standard questions usually yield standard answers, not necessarily the information that will help your student judge whether this is the place they want to spend the next four years.

To get started, be sure to read our article on preparing for and making the most of an admission visit.

Student to student

As most students try to evaluate the colleges on their list, what they really want to know is whether this school is the place that they will feel comfortable and at home. Will it provide the experiences that they need to reach their goals? Will they find their people and be able to experience the life they want to live? This may be harder to determine with standard answers.

Readmitted to College! Now What?

August 22, 2022 by Vicki Nelson

More and more students right now are taking a break from college. Some need a semester off and others need more time. Some choose to leave school and others may be academically dismissed or suspended, most often because they were overwhelmed or unprepared rather than for lack of ability.

If your student is dismissed from college, it can be a traumatic event for both your student and you. Deciding what to do and finding the way back can be a complex but often fulfilling process. If your student is newly dismissed, we have several articles that may help you and your student find your way.

What to Do If Your Student Is Academically Dismissed from College

Academically Dismissed from College: Time for a Reset

Academically Dismissed from College? Ten Steps to Move On

This article begins where those articles left off.

Your student has taken some time off, has applied for readmission and has been accepted. Now what?

Reflecting on the First Year of College

July 11, 2022 by Vicki Nelson

Your student made it through that often tumultuous first-year transition to college – perhaps smoothly or maybe with a few bumps and bruises along the way.

Next stop – sophomore year. But first, there’s work to be done.

It’s time for your student to reflect and make meaning of their first-year experiences, consider the lessons learned, and uncover the wisdom that can help them navigate the next three years.

New sources of information

Your student has grown. Their experiences have given them new sources of information about themselves and about college, but they may not yet have connected all of the dots. Now is the time for your student to consciously integrate this knowledge into their sense of who they are and how they can move forward deliberately and with a stronger sense of purpose.