Nine Poor Decisions You Hope Your College Student Will Avoid

October 13, 2019October 10, 2011 by Vicki Nelson

College is a time of learning — both in and outside of the classroom. College students will make mistakes and most will learn from those mistakes. Wise students and their parents recognize that mistakes are part of the learning curve, and they respect and tolerate those mistakes. As college parents, however, we hope that our students will not make mistakes that will have a negative impact on their college career.

As a parent, you can anticipate and watch for these nine potential decisions and talk to your student about their choices. Remember, however, that although you may alert your student to these pitfalls, they will ultimately need to make their own decisions — and live with the consequences — but that they will learn from experience.

Can My College Student Dispute a Course Grade?

April 29, 2022May 11, 2011 by Vicki Nelson

For as long as there have been college students and professors, some students have been unhappy with the grades that they receive in some courses. Sometimes a student expects the grade they receive, and sometimes they may be taken by surprise. Sometimes a student knows that a particular grade is coming, but they are unhappy with the grade. Grades are intended to reflect the quality of the work produced and the level of understanding which the student has of the material covered in the class.

Occasionally, however, a student is not only unhappy with the grade they receive, but they also feel the grade is not appropriate; either because it does not fairly represent their work or understanding, or because a mistake has been made. As a parent, this may be one of those situations when you want to jump in and help to make it better for your student. Like so many other situations for your college student, this is one of those times when it is not appropriate for you to step in. If your student feels they have been graded inappropriately in a course, they must consider their options and take any potential action on their own. However, if your student shares their feelings with you, you can help them consider their options.

Helping Your Student With Goal Setting – and Action Plans

January 2, 2018January 7, 2011 by Vicki Nelson

There’s a quote that’s attributed to Yogi Berra that says, ”You’ve got to be careful because if you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll wind up somewhere else.” In true Yogi Berra fashion, his seemingly simplistic quote may contain some important wisdom.

For college students, setting goals and working toward them may be a particularly difficult task. Some students may be very career oriented and know exactly what they want in life, while others are undecided about their major and have not yet found their direction. Yet even those students with clear long-term goals may have difficulty defining the shorter term goals that motivate them on a daily basis. Even more perplexing for many students is the task of separating goals from the action plans needed to reach those goals.

Both long-term and short-term goals are important for college students. Having clear goals will help your college student stay motivated, prioritize time and energy, manage his time, see the bigger picture of his college experience, focus on important things, and take pride and ownership in his experiences. Establishing good, clear goals, however, is a difficult task. It requires clarity of thinking and often a great deal of self-reflection. You may need to help your college student think about and identify his goals. Here are a few things to help your student think about as he considers some goals for his college experience — or perhaps just his next semester.

When Your College Student Is Unhappy

September 24, 2019December 15, 2010 by Vicki Nelson

There are good days and bad days for everyone, of course. College students are no different. We hope that our college students will have more good days than bad days. But sometimes, your college student may hit a string of bad days, or may seem particularly unhappy with their college experience. This is one of those times when, as parents, we may feel most helpless. And the reality is that, in some ways, we are. Your student may need to work through the situation on their own. But you can be there, providing that all-important constant support, and perhaps also a bit of guidance.

Once you’ve determined that your student’s unhappiness is just that, and not something more serious that needs intervention or counseling, you can begin to help your student examine and think about the sources of their unhappiness with the college experience. As a starter, it may help if your student understands that it is very normal to feel a low point a few weeks into the semester. The novelty of a new semester is over, the reality of midterms, papers, and expectations hits. The glow of new friendships may also be wearing off. It feels as though things might be better almost anywhere else.

How You Can’t Help Your College Student Stay in School

March 14, 2021December 11, 2010 by Vicki Nelson

Students work very hard to get into college. Students (and their parents) spend years, and countless hours, making just the right list of potential colleges, visiting school after school, studying for SAT or ACT exams, writing college essays, filling out applications, interviewing, and waiting for that all important letter. Students agonize over the decision to find the place where they feel comfortable, attend Orientations, contact roommates, shop and fill their dorm rooms with all of the necessities. Why then, do almost 45% of those students who began with so much hope and so many plans, leave college or transfer schools before they complete their degree?

There are hundreds of reasons why students leave the school where they began their college education. Some students transfer to another school (often losing credits along the way), some dropout entirely, some stopout and return later, and some slowdown and take longer to finish their degree — often as a part-time student. Because, as parents, we are often used to being responsible for the direction our student takes, we may feel responsible when our student tells us that he wants to leave school.

It is important that college parents understand that there are some factors leading to college success that we can control and help with, and there are factors over which no one has control, or the student alone has control. It is important to separate the two categories. In this post, we’d like to take a look at some of the factors that parents can control (a very short list), and some of the major factors that parents cannot control (a much longer list). We hope that this will help parents understand how varied the reasons for leaving school may be, and also help parents discuss reasons with their college student and help support the college student who may be struggling to succeed.

Keeping the Dialogue Open With Your College Student

March 12, 2022October 20, 2010 by Vicki Nelson

Before your college student headed off to school, you may have had some good conversations about both their expectations and your expectations, and about both of your hopes — for grades, for money management, for behavior, or for other things important to both of you. At the midpoint in the semester or year, or just a little past that point, both you and your student may be reevaluating how things are going. Your student has settled in, more or less, has made some friends, has developed habits of behavior, and has likely received some midterm or first semester grades or indications of academic progress.

This is a good time to revisit some of your earlier conversations about hopes, dreams, and expectations. Your college student has weathered tremendous transitions during the past few weeks. They have had to adjust academically and socially, and had to create a their place in this new world. You may have had lots of communication with your student, and you may know exactly how things are going, or you may be wondering how the adjustment process has gone. This is a good time to check in again with your student.

When Your College Student Changes Majors

March 14, 2022October 11, 2010 by Vicki Nelson

It may come during a phone call. It may come through an e-mail. Or it may come during a visit home. Your college student lets you know that they are changing their major. Although some parents may quietly celebrate, for many other parents this is disconcerting, if not frightening, news. The most important thing to remember is — don’t panic!

A change of major may be a small step, or it may be a giant leap. Your student may have chosen their original major for many reasons — some better than others — and they may be changing for many reasons — some better than others. It also matters what the majors are and when the change is happening. Obviously, a change of direction in the first or second year of college is different than a shift during senior year – but senior year isn’t out of the question.

It may help if parents understand that most college students, some studies suggest a figure as high as 80%, change their major at least once. The average may be as high as changing majors three times during the college years. It also helps to consider why students may choose their majors in the first place. According to a study conducted by NACE (National Association of Colleges and Employers), 66% of students choose their major based on a career in which they are interested, 12% say they ”drifted” into a major, 9% say they were inspired by a particular teacher or professor, 7% chose a major based on earning potential, and 6% say they were influenced by friends and family. Clearly many choices are being made for reasons other than following the student’s heart and mind.

Recognizing the Signs That Your College Student May Be in Trouble and How You Can Help

October 8, 2019September 23, 2010 by Vicki Nelson

It is a natural thing for college parents to worry about the success of their students in college. We all hope for the best, and then we worry. If your college student is a long distance away, or may have had some difficulties in high school, you may worry even more. You may be communicating with your student often (hopefully not too often!), and when you do communicate, you listen carefully to what your student is saying — both directly and between the lines — and you try to determine how they are doing.

There are some signs that you can watch and listen for that may indicate that your student is struggling with the college experience. You will need to listen and observe carefully and try to determine whether something is the result of a passing mood or phase, or something more serious. Be alert, especially, for multiple signs — and for behaviors that persist. Be careful not to jump to quick conclusions.

What signs of trouble can you watch for?

College students, for the most part, are resilient. What is a crisis today can pass in a day or two. As a college parent, you should expect to see/hear some of these behaviors at times, but notice whether you see several of the following indications that persist.

How to Help Your College Student Use the College Appeal Process Effectively

June 4, 2019July 5, 2010 by Vicki Nelson

Your college student may never need to appeal any decision made by their college. They may never be in a situation involving a dismissal from school, late withdrawal from a class, grade change, judicial decision, or other special circumstance. If that is the case, good for your student! However, a few students may feel that some policy or decision should be reconsidered. Those students may need to appeal the decision to the appropriate board or committee at the college.

Is an appeal wise?

Appealing a college decision is not always the best thing for your college student. The purpose of an appeal is usually to allow the student to explain extenuating circumstances or to provide additional information that may not have been available at the time that the decision was made. The student may be able to demonstrate that some circumstance has changed — perhaps a health situation, work situation, family situation, or even a change of focus or field of study. It is important that you and your student remember, however, that an appeal is meant as an exception and to demonstrate extraordinary circumstances. It is not meant as an avenue simply because the student is unhappy with the decision of the college. An appeal may not be in the best interest of the student. If nothing has changed, taking a break or accepting the decision may be in order.

When the College Experience Hits a Roadblock: Helping Your College Student Deal with Dissatisfaction

January 10, 2024May 27, 2010 by Vicki Nelson

College parenting begins, for many parents, during the application and admission process. We help keep track of deadlines, we arrange college visits, we support through the SAT exams, we read admissions essays, and we support our students through the acceptance wait and the final decision. Then we enter the next phase of helping our student get ready to head to college and make the transition. We know our role changes during the many phases of the college years, but we assume that we’ll settle in and enjoy the ride — even if there are a few bumps along the way.

However, for an increasing number of students, the college experience may come with a certain amount of disappointment, disillusionment and dissatisfaction. Things simply may not be working. Students may turn to parents once again to help decide what to do next. For some students, the problem may be in making the adjustment to college life or in being unprepared for the experience. For others, academics are overwhelming and help is needed. Still other students may question whether they made the ”right” choice of college or major. They may feel that a change will help.