What happens when bright, capable students seem completely unmotivated about their future? Dr. Ellen Braaten, author if Bright Kids Who Couldn’t Care Less joins us to unpack this phenomenon that can leave you feeling frustrated and worried. We talked about motivation – how it’s not just about “trying harder” but rather a delicate interplay between initiation (the spark), persistence (the ability to continue), and intensity (the fuel that sustains effort).Dr. Braaten shared a framework for understanding what truly motivates young adults by examining the intersection of their aptitudes (natural abilities), pleasures (what they enjoy), and practice (what they willingly spend time doing). Whether your student is currently struggling with motivation or you’re planning ahead for their transition to college, this conversation offers invaluable insights for supporting their authentic development.
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We were pleased to have Dr. Ellen Braaten join us today to talk about her book, Bright Kids Who Couldn’t Care Less: How to Rekindle Your Child’s Motivation. The topic of motivation is so important to so many parents that we knew everyone would want to hear hear what Dr. Braaten had to share.
We started with the basics and asked Ellen to share what we actually mean by motivation. Simply, she said it is essentially the reason why we do the things we do. Thinking in terms of initiation (the spark that gets things started), persistence (the ability to keep going), and intensity (the fuel that sustains effort) helps make it more clear. We also unpacked some of the differences between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation.
If you’d like to dig deeper into this topic and have more ideas about what you can do to help your student, be sure to check out Ellen’s book Bright Kids Who Couldn’t Care Less: How to Rekindle Your Child’s Motivation. or her other book, Bright Kids Who Can’t Keep Up, about students with slow processing speed and how they can succeed in a fast-paced world.
Ellen talked about students who may not be ready for college and how they can check out. They don’t know how to bring up the conversation and talk to their parents, so they stop being motivated. As is so often the case, having lots of discussion and conversations about different ways of becoming adults.
Ellen talked about how high parental expectations can lead to anxiety for our children but that low expectation are also problematic. Ellen helped us understand the important differences between expectations and aspirations as well as the differences between aptitude and ability.
We talked about the importance of goals – and of recognizing the importance of being able to shift goals as you grow. It can be difficult for parents not to panic when their student’s goals change and shift.
During our discussion, Elizabeth mentioned two additional books that can be helpful to all parents. You might want to check out Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic – and What We Can Do About It by Jennifer Breheny Wallace and The Self Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives by Ned Johnson and Bill Stixrud.
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