Helping Your Student With Goal Setting – and Action Plans

January 2, 2018January 7, 2011 by Vicki Nelson

There’s a quote that’s attributed to Yogi Berra that says, ”You’ve got to be careful because if you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll wind up somewhere else.” In true Yogi Berra fashion, his seemingly simplistic quote may contain some important wisdom.

For college students, setting goals and working toward them may be a particularly difficult task. Some students may be very career oriented and know exactly what they want in life, while others are undecided about their major and have not yet found their direction. Yet even those students with clear long-term goals may have difficulty defining the shorter term goals that motivate them on a daily basis. Even more perplexing for many students is the task of separating goals from the action plans needed to reach those goals.

Both long-term and short-term goals are important for college students. Having clear goals will help your college student stay motivated, prioritize time and energy, manage his time, see the bigger picture of his college experience, focus on important things, and take pride and ownership in his experiences. Establishing good, clear goals, however, is a difficult task. It requires clarity of thinking and often a great deal of self-reflection. You may need to help your college student think about and identify his goals. Here are a few things to help your student think about as he considers some goals for his college experience — or perhaps just his next semester.

New Year’s Resolutions – What Makes a Good One?

January 6, 2022December 27, 2010 by Vicki Nelson

Last year at this time we offered some New Year’s resolutions for college and high school parents and for their students. We still think they are good resolutions, worth considering carefully if you are a college or high school parent. Please take a few minutes to follow the links below and reread our suggestions.

New Year’s Resolutions for College Parents — and Their College Students

New Year’s Resolutions for High School Parents — and Their College Bound Students

In addition to the specific resolutions offered last year, this year we’d like to offer some suggestions to keep in mind as you and your student think about creating your own resolutions for the fresh start that the second semester of the year offers. Give some thought to these characteristics of good resolutions as you consider what matters to you in the New Year.

When Your College Student Is Unhappy

September 24, 2019December 15, 2010 by Vicki Nelson

There are good days and bad days for everyone, of course. College students are no different. We hope that our college students will have more good days than bad days. But sometimes, your college student may hit a string of bad days, or may seem particularly unhappy with their college experience. This is one of those times when, as parents, we may feel most helpless. And the reality is that, in some ways, we are. Your student may need to work through the situation on their own. But you can be there, providing that all-important constant support, and perhaps also a bit of guidance.

Once you’ve determined that your student’s unhappiness is just that, and not something more serious that needs intervention or counseling, you can begin to help your student examine and think about the sources of their unhappiness with the college experience. As a starter, it may help if your student understands that it is very normal to feel a low point a few weeks into the semester. The novelty of a new semester is over, the reality of midterms, papers, and expectations hits. The glow of new friendships may also be wearing off. It feels as though things might be better almost anywhere else.

How You Can’t Help Your College Student Stay in School

March 14, 2021December 11, 2010 by Vicki Nelson

Students work very hard to get into college. Students (and their parents) spend years, and countless hours, making just the right list of potential colleges, visiting school after school, studying for SAT or ACT exams, writing college essays, filling out applications, interviewing, and waiting for that all important letter. Students agonize over the decision to find the place where they feel comfortable, attend Orientations, contact roommates, shop and fill their dorm rooms with all of the necessities. Why then, do almost 45% of those students who began with so much hope and so many plans, leave college or transfer schools before they complete their degree?

There are hundreds of reasons why students leave the school where they began their college education. Some students transfer to another school (often losing credits along the way), some dropout entirely, some stopout and return later, and some slowdown and take longer to finish their degree — often as a part-time student. Because, as parents, we are often used to being responsible for the direction our student takes, we may feel responsible when our student tells us that he wants to leave school.

It is important that college parents understand that there are some factors leading to college success that we can control and help with, and there are factors over which no one has control, or the student alone has control. It is important to separate the two categories. In this post, we’d like to take a look at some of the factors that parents can control (a very short list), and some of the major factors that parents cannot control (a much longer list). We hope that this will help parents understand how varied the reasons for leaving school may be, and also help parents discuss reasons with their college student and help support the college student who may be struggling to succeed.

Keeping the Dialogue Open With Your College Student

March 12, 2022October 20, 2010 by Vicki Nelson

Before your college student headed off to school, you may have had some good conversations about both their expectations and your expectations, and about both of your hopes — for grades, for money management, for behavior, or for other things important to both of you. At the midpoint in the semester or year, or just a little past that point, both you and your student may be reevaluating how things are going. Your student has settled in, more or less, has made some friends, has developed habits of behavior, and has likely received some midterm or first semester grades or indications of academic progress.

This is a good time to revisit some of your earlier conversations about hopes, dreams, and expectations. Your college student has weathered tremendous transitions during the past few weeks. They have had to adjust academically and socially, and had to create a their place in this new world. You may have had lots of communication with your student, and you may know exactly how things are going, or you may be wondering how the adjustment process has gone. This is a good time to check in again with your student.

When Your College Student Changes Majors

March 14, 2022October 11, 2010 by Vicki Nelson

It may come during a phone call. It may come through an e-mail. Or it may come during a visit home. Your college student lets you know that they are changing their major. Although some parents may quietly celebrate, for many other parents this is disconcerting, if not frightening, news. The most important thing to remember is — don’t panic!

A change of major may be a small step, or it may be a giant leap. Your student may have chosen their original major for many reasons — some better than others — and they may be changing for many reasons — some better than others. It also matters what the majors are and when the change is happening. Obviously, a change of direction in the first or second year of college is different than a shift during senior year – but senior year isn’t out of the question.

It may help if parents understand that most college students, some studies suggest a figure as high as 80%, change their major at least once. The average may be as high as changing majors three times during the college years. It also helps to consider why students may choose their majors in the first place. According to a study conducted by NACE (National Association of Colleges and Employers), 66% of students choose their major based on a career in which they are interested, 12% say they ”drifted” into a major, 9% say they were inspired by a particular teacher or professor, 7% chose a major based on earning potential, and 6% say they were influenced by friends and family. Clearly many choices are being made for reasons other than following the student’s heart and mind.

Recognizing the Signs That Your College Student May Be in Trouble and How You Can Help

October 8, 2019September 23, 2010 by Vicki Nelson

It is a natural thing for college parents to worry about the success of their students in college. We all hope for the best, and then we worry. If your college student is a long distance away, or may have had some difficulties in high school, you may worry even more. You may be communicating with your student often (hopefully not too often!), and when you do communicate, you listen carefully to what your student is saying — both directly and between the lines — and you try to determine how they are doing.

There are some signs that you can watch and listen for that may indicate that your student is struggling with the college experience. You will need to listen and observe carefully and try to determine whether something is the result of a passing mood or phase, or something more serious. Be alert, especially, for multiple signs — and for behaviors that persist. Be careful not to jump to quick conclusions.

What signs of trouble can you watch for?

College students, for the most part, are resilient. What is a crisis today can pass in a day or two. As a college parent, you should expect to see/hear some of these behaviors at times, but notice whether you see several of the following indications that persist.

Helping Your College Student Increase Their Chances of Success

September 14, 2021September 9, 2010 by Vicki Nelson

As a college parent, we want nothing more than for our college student to be successful in college. Although that success may look different to different parents and families, important measures of success for most of us are certainly competence, grades, happiness, and a job after college.

Students are responsible for their own behavior in college. As parents, we have raised them and prepared them for their college journey. We continue to be involved and to support our student, but they must make their own decisions and take responsibility for their actions. Our role, as a parent, changes. However, as the coach on the sidelines, we can do much to suggest options to our student which will help guide them toward success. Some students may need more reminding and guiding than others, and students will make choices which will determine their path.

We’d like to suggest some choices and actions that you can encourage in your college student to help them increase their chances of a successful college experience. Of course, there is no magic bullet, and sometimes even those students who make all of the right choices may hit rough patches, but these suggestions may help to guide your student toward success and increased confidence. Encourage your student to consider some of the following.

Helping Your College Student Reduce Roommate Conflict

May 17, 2022July 29, 2010 by Vicki Nelson

Roommate conflict is unavoidable. Although, as parents, we hope that our college student will get along perfectly with his college roommate, it is an unrealistic hope. Whenever individuals live closely together, some amount of conflict is inevitable. Actually, a little bit of conflict is not necessarily a bad thing. Students learn important skills as they learn to handle issues with their roommates.

However, even when we realize that some degree of conflict may be inevitable, and may possibly have beneficial effects, we hope that any conflict will be minimal. There are some things, short of giving in on everything and putting up with anything, that students can do to minimize the issues that may arise between roommates. If this is your student’s first time sharing a room and/or living with a larger group of people in close quarters, you may increase your student’s chances of having a good experience by helping her to think through some of the issues that might come up and how she will handle them. In an earlier post, we considered some things that your student might do to prepare for life with a roommate. In this post, we’ll look at what your student might do to reduce conflict and how to handle inevitable conflict when it occurs. In an upcoming post, we’ll examine some actual positive benefits of dealing with some conflict.

Here are a few things that your college student might consider to reduce potential conflict.

Teach Your College Student to Be a Packrat

July 13, 2021July 26, 2010 by Vicki Nelson

As you pack the car and then move your college student into their dorm room or apartment, you may wish that they had less ”stuff”. Interestingly, when it comes time to move your student out of their dorm room or apartment, the ”stuff” seems to have multiplied. So why, then, might we suggest that you should teach your student to be more of a packrat and hold on to more things? We are not suggesting that your student needs to hold on to everything. Much of what your student accumulates during the college years can easily go by the wayside. However, there are a few things that your student should be sure to save — at least until they have their diploma in hand.