What to Say to Your College Student Who Is in Trouble, Dismissed, or on Probation

January 8, 2020May 28, 2012 by Vicki Nelson

We’ve written some earlier articles about what to do when your college student is on Academic Probation or is even Academically Dismissed from college. These are disturbing or sometimes even devastating situations, and knowing what to do next is important. But equally urgent, and sometimes even more important, may be considering what you say to your student if they find they are in one of these difficult situations.

Of course, knowing exactly what to say to your student has to do with who your student is, what your relationship with your student is, and why they are in this situation. Chances are, however, that you will struggle for the right thing to say, the right words. You may be angry, disappointed, shocked, sad, or just plain overwhelmed. Being honest with your student may be the simplest and best start.

Remember that your student may also be struggling with what to say to you. They may have known this was coming, or it may have taken them by surprise. They may have shared their fears or concerns with you earlier, or they may have been afraid to tell you they saw this coming. Remembering that this is happening to all of you, as a family, may help everyone. Taking time to let the news sink in before sitting down to discuss next steps may be helpful as well.

How Well Do You Know Your College Student? Maybe Not As Well As You Think

March 25, 2017March 19, 2012 by Vicki Nelson

As parents, we like to think that no one knows our children as well as we do. But as our children become adolescents and then emerging adults and adults, we may not know them as well as we think we do. This may have less to do with our relationship with our child (this generation of emerging adults has closer relationships with parents than earlier generations), and more to do with the special characteristics of Millennials and Emerging Adults.

Here are a few posts that might help you think in some new ways about your Emerging Adult. Use these as conversation starters to get to know your student better than ever.

Getting to Know Your Emerging Adult College Student

January 1, 2022February 9, 2012 by Vicki Nelson

Kids today. Sometimes we love them. Sometimes we hate them. Most of the time we feel we don’t understand them. If you are the parent of a college student, you may wonder at times whether this person is still an adolescent or whether he is an adult. Your opinion may change from day to day or even hour to hour. You are not alone. Your student is likely entering, or solidly settled into, a phase of life now labeled Emerging Adulthood. The more you understand about this newly identified stage of life, the more you may feel that you begin to understand your college-age and post-college student.

Emerging Adulthood, as a distinct developmental phase, is most widely known through the work of psychologist Jeffrey Jensen Arnett. Arnett’s book, Emerging Adulthood: The Winding Road from the Late Teens through the Twenties, was first published in 2004 and has received much attention. We recommend it to college parents. According to Dr. Arnett, ”kids” today aren’t the ”kids” that we were. Parents need to work to understand how different today’s students are.

According to Dr. Arnett, Emerging Adulthood begins at about the age of 18 and often continues until the age of 25 or 27. This is much later than many of us might think. So as your student begins college, she may also be entering this developmental phase. As she graduates from college (and perhaps boomerangs back home) she is in the midst of this stage. She may remain in this stage for several more years. It is not simply an extended adolescence, but a distinct time of less parental control and more independent exploration.

Consider the following five characteristics of this age and think about your student. You may be surprised at how accurate the description is.

12 Topics Parents Should Cover to Help College Students Gain Financial Literacy

July 19, 2020January 26, 2012 by Vicki Nelson

Paying for a college education requires a lot of financial planning. Most parents begin thinking about how to finance college many years before a student is ready to embark on a college career. Your college student may or may not be involved in this planning. But whether or not your college student is involved in the bigger financial issues such as tuition and other college expenses, it is important that your student become financially literate in order to survive financially during and beyond the college years.

A growing national problem

Financial literacy involves the ability to read, manage, and communicate about personal finances and to have the skills and knowledge to make competent financial choices about banking, credit, insurance, taxes and investments. How does your student stack up? Most high school graduates don’t do very well. High school student spending may create an unrealistic lifestyle. Iowa State University tested high school seniors’ understanding of money management. The average score was a 57% – a dramatically failing grade.

Six Suggestions to Help You Talk to Your College Student On Break

November 10, 2019November 21, 2011 by Vicki Nelson

The holidays are coming and college students are heading home for break. The holidays are busy times, and students probably have plans to spend time catching up with friends and perhaps working to earn some extra cash. However, this may also be an ideal opportunity to spend some time catching up with your student and hearing more about how the college experience is going.

Your college student may have a lot they need or want to share with you. Of course, they may not want to talk about their semester, and you may need to do some encouraging. But your student may have things they’d like to share — good or bad. There are a few things that you can do to make it easier for your student to share their experiences, and also some things you can do to make sure that you are really hearing what they want or need you to hear.

What to Do When Your College Student Doesn’t Call

August 29, 2022October 19, 2011 by Vicki Nelson

We hear a lot these days about helicopter parents, and we hear a lot about the growing amount of communication between college parents and their college students. This growing communication takes many forms — and is generally two-way communication. Parents aren’t the only ones doing the calling. Parents and their college students are often encouraged to limit their communication to enable college students to separate, make transitions, and become independent.

But what if too much communication with your college student isn’t your problem? What if all communication with your college student feels one-way? You call, text, e-mail — and you get no response. Your student doesn’t pick up your calls or return messages or e-mails. You may be frustrated, worried, or just plain angry. It may help if you give some thought to why your student may not be communicating much, as well as what you can do, and shouldn’t do, to help increase the chances that your student will communicate more.

In our last post, we considered some of the reasons why your student may not be contacting you as much as you think that he should. In this post, we’ll look at some suggestions for improving the amount and quality of contact with your student.

What not to do when your student doesn’t call

You never hear from your college student — or at least it seems that way to you. You’re upset, worried, and possibly angry. You feel you need to take some action. There are a few things we’d suggest that you avoid as you consider what to do.

Understanding Why Your College Student Doesn’t Call

September 26, 2023October 16, 2011 by Vicki Nelson

How Does Your Student Feel? Four Keys to Emotional Intelligence.

September 7, 2020June 12, 2011 by Vicki Nelson

Your college student will probably run the gamut of emotions during their time in college. They may even run through many emotions in a single day. As a college parent, you may hear about your student’s highs and lows, or you may be unaware of some of the dips and turns. It is possible that you may feel that your student needs help coping, and you may find yourself offering advice or recommending that they get some help from someone such as a counselor. For most students, however, handling emotional swings becomes part of the college experience.

How well your student handles their emotions may be one indicator, however, of their potential success in college. Some research in Emotional Intelligence suggests that students who recognize and manage their moods, feelings and attitudes well may do better academically. The more closely your student is in touch with their emotions, the better they may do.

Talking to Your College Student About Grades

December 13, 2019December 23, 2010 by Vicki Nelson

Obviously, grades are a big part of the college experience. Students attend college for many reasons, but classroom experiences, and the grades that go along with those experiences, are an important measure of college outcomes. Some students seem to care more than others about their grades, but all college students know that they matter. Families, too, differ in how they view college grades. Some parents are anxious to hear about every test or paper; others may not be interested in grades as long as they are passable.

Starting a conversation with your son or daughter about grades may be completely natural for some parents and more awkward for others. But talking to your student about their grades is important. Don’t take them for granted or assume that all is well if you don’t hear anything. Remember that in college, grades go to the student rather than parents. Your student has ultimate responsibility for their grades, but it is reasonable for you to ask to talk about them. This is especially important if your college student is a new college student in their first or second semester. Help your student consider what their grades may mean and what they can learn from them.

Keeping the Dialogue Open With Your College Student

March 12, 2022October 20, 2010 by Vicki Nelson

Before your college student headed off to school, you may have had some good conversations about both their expectations and your expectations, and about both of your hopes — for grades, for money management, for behavior, or for other things important to both of you. At the midpoint in the semester or year, or just a little past that point, both you and your student may be reevaluating how things are going. Your student has settled in, more or less, has made some friends, has developed habits of behavior, and has likely received some midterm or first semester grades or indications of academic progress.

This is a good time to revisit some of your earlier conversations about hopes, dreams, and expectations. Your college student has weathered tremendous transitions during the past few weeks. They have had to adjust academically and socially, and had to create a their place in this new world. You may have had lots of communication with your student, and you may know exactly how things are going, or you may be wondering how the adjustment process has gone. This is a good time to check in again with your student.