Returning Home from College: Reverse Culture Shock

November 12, 2019November 13, 2014 by Vicki Nelson

In our last post, we discussed the culture shock that often occurs when students head to college. Some students, and their parents, may not be prepared for the roller coaster ride as students become acclimated to their new environment. Knowing that the ups and downs that students experience are normal will help everyone.

Once your student has made the transition to school and begun to feel comfortable in their new ”culture” of college, both of you may feel that the transition is complete. However, an important stage remains — returning home again. Whether the return is relatively brief — for winter break or summer vacation perhaps — or whether it is a more permanent move back home, you and your student should be prepared for potential re-entry awkwardness and difficulties. Once again, however, the process is normal. Understanding it may help.

The reverse culture shock of returning home may take your student by surprise because it is unexpected and because they don’t realize how much both of you, have changed during the transition time. This second transition process may be especially difficult because it is unexpected.

Shaking Up the Nest: When Your College Student Comes Home for Break

November 20, 2019November 6, 2014 by Vicki Nelson

Your student has been away at school for several weeks or months and it’s finally time for them to return home for a holiday break. You’re excited to see them and can’t wait to catch up on their life at college. You’ve planned favorite meals and anticipate finally spending some quality time with your student. You’ve survived the empty nest, but you’re looking forward to filling it up again — at least for a little while.

What you may not realize, however, is how much you’ve adjusted to that empty nest. It seemed so quiet and empty in those first days after you dropped your student off at school. But now you’ve had time to get used to the quiet — and you may not even realize it. You’ve adjusted to fewer dirty dishes, less laundry, and turning out the lights when you go to bed because no one else is coming home later.

What You Might Not Know About College Parent Involvement

March 23, 2017October 27, 2014 by Vicki Nelson

Parents are increasingly involved in the lives of college students. Colleges have noted the trend for several years. As college parents, we’ve earned several less-than-flattering nicknames — everything from helicopter parents (hovering) to snowplow parents (pushing obstacles out of the way) and lawnmower parents (running over anything blocking our student’s path).

But exactly how involved are parents in their college students’ lives? Is the perception accurate? And, although we know that students need to control their own lives, might there be benefits of parental involvement?

Campus ESP (Campus Experience for Students and Parents), a Philadelphia based technology company recently surveyed 1700 parents about their involvement with their students at the college level. The stated mission of Campus ESP is ”to improve student success by strengthening relationships between schools, students, and those who influence them.” Parents are clearly some of the most influential people in their students’ lives (even if it may not always seem that way to parents).

10 Student Skills That Can Help Parents, Too

June 8, 2023October 6, 2014 by Vicki Nelson

We’ve written many posts about important skills for college students. We’ve suggested that you discuss these skills with your student and that you do whatever you can to help your student develop many of these important skills. This is an important way that parents can help their students without ”helicoptering” inappropriately.

We’ve also written several posts about your role as a college parent and many of the skills that you need in order to do your college parenting job well. We hope that these posts help you as you settle into your role as college parent.

In many cases, the skills that college students need and the skills that parents need are certainly different. However, several of the skills that we’ve suggested for students might also be helpful for parents — or for any of us — to develop. Turning the tables and adopting the skills you discuss with your student might be an interesting experiment.

Are You College Parent, Social Media Savvy? Beyond Admissions and Beyond Hovering

February 6, 2022September 4, 2014 by Vicki Nelson

We live in the age of social media. According to some studies done by the Pew research organization, 73% of online adults use a social networking site of some kind and 42% use multiple sites. Every platform available, especially Facebook, LinkedIn, Pinterest, Twitter and Instagram has shown increases in uses in the last year. We consume, we share, we connect.

Colleges know the importance of our online lives and use the web heavily in their admissions process. They reach out to both students and parents through avenues from websites to social media platforms to chat rooms. According to research conducted by Noel Levitz, the higher education consulting firm, some 45% of parents have looked at college websites on their mobile devices. Colleges have established profiles and pages and feeds and boards on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Pinterest and LinkedIn. More than 200 colleges have LinkedIn profiles and many others have statistics listed. Clearly, both students and parents are using social media as one method of finding the right college.

But perhaps your student has now not only found a college, but headed off to college. Are you ready to turn off social media? Probably not. Of course, you can continue to use social media platforms to keep track of what your student is doing. Much has been written about parents and their teens/young adults and use of social media. Should you friend your student on Facebook, follow his Twitter feed, connect on LinkedIn, and follow his Instagram account? That is a very personal decision and one which you and your student should discuss. It may be comforting to you and comfortable to your student, or it may feel intrusive, discomforting and TMI (too much information). Have that conversation with your student.

How to Tackle Tough Conversations with Your College Student

October 27, 2021January 16, 2014 by Vicki Nelson

There are many reasons you might need to have a difficult conversation with your college student, and the middle or end of the year is often a time when that conversation needs to happen. It might have to do with a poor semester academically, poor social decisions, financial issues, or many other possible situations. Whatever the topic, chances are that you probably dread the conversation. It’s important, it’s necessary, but you know that there are so many ways that it could go badly.

There is no getting around the fact that the conversation is probably going to be uncomfortable, but there are a few things that you can do to help it go more smoothly and to help both you and your student be more comfortable with the outcome. Before you sit down to have that tough conversation with your student, consider a few things.

Conversations With Your College Student: What’s Your Listening Position?

August 6, 2019January 9, 2014 by Vicki Nelson

There are many kinds of conversations that you need to have with your college student. Some conversations come easily, and at other times it’s a struggle to get your student to make time and/or to participate in the conversation. Some students share readily and others seem to resist our attempts to communicate.

Are you listening?

One of the first questions we, as parents, need to ask ourselves is how much we are actually listening to our students? Do we see these important conversations as simply opportunities to give our opinion? Is our definition of a ”conversation” too one-sided? We may ask for reactions or opinions, or for students to share information, but do we actually listen to what they say? If we aren’t listening, are we surprised that they are less willing to share?

We’ve written some earlier posts about the importance of listening to your college student, and about some good habits to develop as a listener. If you want to hear more from your student, these earlier posts may help you get started.

OK, you’re listening, but how?

What we’d like to consider in this post is not whether you are listening, or even whether you are listening well, but how you listen. What’s your listening position? What’s your attitude as you listen? Not all conversations call for the same type of listening. We actually need to listen differently depending on the subject or the situation.

College Parents: Hold That Advice!

November 26, 2021December 27, 2013 by Vicki Nelson

Your student is home from college for a break. It is your chance to catch up and touch bases about the semester. Perhaps it hasn’t gone as well as everyone had hoped. Perhaps your student is concerned about choosing or changing a major. Perhaps their social life isn’t what they had hoped — or perhaps there is too much social life. Whatever the issue might be, as college parents, we feel that we this is our chance — and probably our responsibility — to share important advice with our student.

But wait! That might not be what your student needs most from you right now.

What your student might need most — at least for a while — is for you to be a sounding board.

Serving as a Sounding Board

One definition of a sounding board is a thin partition behind a podium to reflect the speaker’s sound out to the audience. It is actually sometimes called a ”tester.” Of course, another definition is a person who listens to someone to allow the speaker to try out or rehearse an idea in order to explore it more fully, evaluate it or to measure its acceptability.

Senior Summer: A Roller Coaster of Mixed Emotions

July 20, 2021July 22, 2013 by Vicki Nelson

The summer before the first year of college. It is an interesting summer — for both parents and students. There is the anticipation and excitement — but that is coupled with stress, nerves, and the emotions of leaving home and friends behind. Parents need to be especially patient — both with themselves and with their students — as everyone navigates this new territory.

In our last article, we discussed the in-between nature of this summer for both students and parents. In this article, we look at some of the concerns that often cause stress for students as they anticipate the launch to college.

The myth

Part of the reason that this summer may be difficult is the myth that it is all about the accomplishment and the excitement. The application and admissions process is finally over and your student is in! It’s a tremendous accomplishment. For years, everything has been focused on this next goal. A whole new world awaits, and it is going to be wonderful. This is going to be a stress-free, relaxed last summer at home. This is a ”summer to remember.” The build-up to this summer has been monumental.

Why College?

August 6, 2023July 1, 2013 by Vicki Nelson

Why is your student going to college?

Does that question take you by surprise? Have you asked your student this question? The question may take both parents and students by surprise because we don’t ask it often enough. Many students head to college because it is what students do after high school. It is what all of their friends are doing. It is what everyone has expected of them for as long as they can remember.

We are not suggesting that your student should not be headed to college. However, if you haven’t asked your student the question, it might be a good thing to do. It is important to know where we are headed, but also important to know why we are headed there.