What to Do When Your College Student Doesn’t Call

We hear a lot these days about helicopter parents, and we hear a lot about the growing amount of communication between college parents and their college students.  This growing communication takes many forms — and is generally two-way communication. Parents aren’t the only ones doing the calling. Parents and their college students are often encouraged to limit their communication to enable college students to separate, make transitions, and become independent.

But what if too much communication with your college student isn’t your problem?  What if all communication with your college student feels one-way?  You call, text, e-mail — and you get no response.  Your student doesn’t pick up your calls or return messages or e-mails.  You may be frustrated, worried, or just plain angry.  It may help if you give some thought to why your student may not be communicating much, as well as what you can do, and shouldn’t do, to help increase the chances that your student will communicate more.

 In our last post, we considered some of the reasons why your student may not be contacting you as much as you think that he should.  In this post, we’ll look at some suggestions for improving the amount and quality of contact with your student.

What not to do when your student doesn’t call

You never hear from your college student — or at least it seems that way to you.  You’re upset, worried, and possibly angry.  You feel you need to take some action.  There are a few things we’d suggest that you avoid as you consider what to do.

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Understanding Why Your College Student Doesn’t Call

We hear a lot these days about helicopter parents, and we hear a lot about the growing amount of communication between college parents and their college students.  This growing communication takes many forms — and is generally two-way communication. Parents aren’t the only ones doing the calling. Parents and their college students are often encouraged to limit their communication to enable college students to separate, make transitions, and become independent.

But what if too much communication with your college student isn’t your problem?  What if all communication with your college student feels one-way?  You call, text, e-mail — and you get no response.  Your student doesn’t pick up your calls or return messages or e-mails.  You may be frustrated, worried, or just plain angry.  It may help if you give some thought to why your student may not be communicating much, as well as what you can do, and shouldn’t do, to help increase the chances that your student will communicate more.

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Nine Poor Decisions You Hope Your College Student Will Avoid

College is a time of learning — both in and outside of the classroom.  College students will make mistakes and most will learn from those mistakes.  Wise students and their parents recognize that mistakes are part of the learning curve, and they respect and tolerate those mistakes.  As college parents, however, we hope that our students will not make mistakes that will have a negative impact on their college career.

As a parent, you can anticipate and watch for these nine potential decisions and talk to your student about their choices.  Remember, however, that although you may alert your student to these pitfalls, they will ultimately need to make their own decisions — and live with the consequences — but that they will learn from experience.

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Book Review: The iConnected Parent

From time to time, we like to review some of the books available for parents of college students.  There is a wealth of literature available to help parents cope with the transition to college and the changes that occur throughout the college years.  We’ve created lists of recommended reading, and there is something for everyone.  Please check out our Resources and Tools page for suggestions.

The iConnected Parent: Staying Close to Your Kids in College (and Beyond) While Letting Them Grow Up
by Barbara K Hofer and Abigail Sullivan Moore should be required reading for any parent sending his or her child away to college. The authors perceptively hold a mirror up to allow parents to see themselves and understand why we feel the need to be so involved in and connected to our children’s lives.

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Sending Your Student the Best College Care Package Ever

Even in the age of electronic communication, college students love to receive ”real” mail.  Perhaps the mail that college students love to receive the most are those care packages from home.  Nothing beats something put together lovingly from home, and receiving presents — even small tokens — really brightens a student’s day!

When to send a package

Care packages are appropriate at any time of the semester.  In fact, a package that is unexpected is often a double bonus.  However, care packages may be especially appreciated at particular times.

Sometime during those first couple of weeks for new students is a time when a package may be especially meaningful.  This might also be a good time to include a small item or two that the student might have forgotten to pack in the first place.  Other times when students especially appreciate a package can be those particularly stressful times of midterm and final exams, or send a package to celebrate an event, an award, a milestone or just as an unexpected surprise.  Something that might make your student smile, and think about home will be meaningful.  And if it contains food, it will be appreciated all the more!

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There’s an Upside to Sending Your Student to College

As you drop your student off for college, and then return to your empty nest, you may be thinking mostly about how much you’ll miss them.  You may be worrying about how quiet the house will seem.  You may or may not be worried about how well they will succeed at school, –  but you’re also thinking about the hole that remains in your family.

You’ll certainly miss your student.  And, although you may not believe it as you return to your empty (or at least emptier) house, you will get used to having your student away.  What you may or may not have thought about are some of the advantages of moving your college student out of the house and away at school. Yes, they exist!

We’d like to offer a slightly light-hearted reminder that there is an upside to sending your student away to college.

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How to Make Your Parents’ Weekend Visit a Success

Parents’ Weekend at your student’s college may be just around the corner.  This may be your first opportunity to visit your freshman at his college.  He may or may not have been home for a visit already, but whether he’s been home or not, your first visit to his new home away from home can feel like a momentous occasion.

Parents’ Weekend is a wonderful opportunity for you and your student to spend some time together.  Each school organizes the event a bit differently, but the overall purpose and format are often similar.  Read an overview of Parents’ Weekend to understand better what to expect.

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Helicopter Parents Are Big Topic

As college students headed back to school this fall, Merriam Webster  announced that “helicopter parent” was now an entry in their dictionary. Helicopter Parents are an important topic.  Those same parents may now be dealing with the Empty Nest Syndrome.

I was privileged to be a guest this fall on Wisconsin Public Radio’s Joy Cardin show as together we explored the topics of helicopter parents and empty nests.  For those of us sending our students off to college, there’s lots of food for thought during this interview.

Listen to the Wisconsin Public Radio interview and then let us know your thoughts.  Have you just sent someone off to college?  Do you consider yourself a helicopter parent?  How are you coping with your empty nest?


Is Your College Student Getting in Their Own Way?

There are many sources of challenges students face as they navigate their college careers, but sometimes the challenges may be of their own making.  Sometimes, students seem to undermine themselves by making assumptions or restricting their choices. These students may need help from someone to get out of their own way. As a college parent, you may be able to help your student move forward more successfully.

Most students eventually succeed in college in spite of bumps and potholes along the way.  For some students the transition may be more difficult than others, some students may struggle academically, some may have challenges socially, and others face personal difficulties.  For a lucky few, the transition goes smoothly, academics are workable and personal and social life come together.

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Saving Money on Outfitting Your College Student’s Dorm Room

College today is expensive.  There is no way around it.  Parents and students both are working to finance the cost of college tuition and fees, piecing together financial aid through scholarships, grants and loans.  Many students, and their parents, may be dismayed to think about the additional costs of outfitting the ideal college dorm room, yet all of the advertising and publicity tells them that this is essential.

Your college student will need to make some purchases to furnish their dorm room.  Decorating that first ”home away from home” is part of the college experience.  However, there are some ways in which your student can pare down the costs of the decorating process.  Here are a few suggestions to discuss with your student as you both prepare for Move-in Day.

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