Keeping the Dialogue Open With Your College Student

March 12, 2022October 20, 2010 by Vicki Nelson

Before your college student headed off to school, you may have had some good conversations about both their expectations and your expectations, and about both of your hopes — for grades, for money management, for behavior, or for other things important to both of you. At the midpoint in the semester or year, or just a little past that point, both you and your student may be reevaluating how things are going. Your student has settled in, more or less, has made some friends, has developed habits of behavior, and has likely received some midterm or first semester grades or indications of academic progress.

This is a good time to revisit some of your earlier conversations about hopes, dreams, and expectations. Your college student has weathered tremendous transitions during the past few weeks. They have had to adjust academically and socially, and had to create a their place in this new world. You may have had lots of communication with your student, and you may know exactly how things are going, or you may be wondering how the adjustment process has gone. This is a good time to check in again with your student.

When Your College Student Changes Majors

March 14, 2022October 11, 2010 by Vicki Nelson

It may come during a phone call. It may come through an e-mail. Or it may come during a visit home. Your college student lets you know that they are changing their major. Although some parents may quietly celebrate, for many other parents this is disconcerting, if not frightening, news. The most important thing to remember is — don’t panic!

A change of major may be a small step, or it may be a giant leap. Your student may have chosen their original major for many reasons — some better than others — and they may be changing for many reasons — some better than others. It also matters what the majors are and when the change is happening. Obviously, a change of direction in the first or second year of college is different than a shift during senior year – but senior year isn’t out of the question.

It may help if parents understand that most college students, some studies suggest a figure as high as 80%, change their major at least once. The average may be as high as changing majors three times during the college years. It also helps to consider why students may choose their majors in the first place. According to a study conducted by NACE (National Association of Colleges and Employers), 66% of students choose their major based on a career in which they are interested, 12% say they ”drifted” into a major, 9% say they were inspired by a particular teacher or professor, 7% chose a major based on earning potential, and 6% say they were influenced by friends and family. Clearly many choices are being made for reasons other than following the student’s heart and mind.

Recognizing the Signs That Your College Student May Be in Trouble and How You Can Help

October 8, 2019September 23, 2010 by Vicki Nelson

It is a natural thing for college parents to worry about the success of their students in college. We all hope for the best, and then we worry. If your college student is a long distance away, or may have had some difficulties in high school, you may worry even more. You may be communicating with your student often (hopefully not too often!), and when you do communicate, you listen carefully to what your student is saying — both directly and between the lines — and you try to determine how they are doing.

There are some signs that you can watch and listen for that may indicate that your student is struggling with the college experience. You will need to listen and observe carefully and try to determine whether something is the result of a passing mood or phase, or something more serious. Be alert, especially, for multiple signs — and for behaviors that persist. Be careful not to jump to quick conclusions.

What signs of trouble can you watch for?

College students, for the most part, are resilient. What is a crisis today can pass in a day or two. As a college parent, you should expect to see/hear some of these behaviors at times, but notice whether you see several of the following indications that persist.

How to Help Your College Student Use the College Appeal Process Effectively

June 4, 2019July 5, 2010 by Vicki Nelson

Your college student may never need to appeal any decision made by their college. They may never be in a situation involving a dismissal from school, late withdrawal from a class, grade change, judicial decision, or other special circumstance. If that is the case, good for your student! However, a few students may feel that some policy or decision should be reconsidered. Those students may need to appeal the decision to the appropriate board or committee at the college.

Is an appeal wise?

Appealing a college decision is not always the best thing for your college student. The purpose of an appeal is usually to allow the student to explain extenuating circumstances or to provide additional information that may not have been available at the time that the decision was made. The student may be able to demonstrate that some circumstance has changed — perhaps a health situation, work situation, family situation, or even a change of focus or field of study. It is important that you and your student remember, however, that an appeal is meant as an exception and to demonstrate extraordinary circumstances. It is not meant as an avenue simply because the student is unhappy with the decision of the college. An appeal may not be in the best interest of the student. If nothing has changed, taking a break or accepting the decision may be in order.

When the College Experience Hits a Roadblock: Helping Your College Student Deal with Dissatisfaction

January 10, 2024May 27, 2010 by Vicki Nelson

College parenting begins, for many parents, during the application and admission process. We help keep track of deadlines, we arrange college visits, we support through the SAT exams, we read admissions essays, and we support our students through the acceptance wait and the final decision. Then we enter the next phase of helping our student get ready to head to college and make the transition. We know our role changes during the many phases of the college years, but we assume that we’ll settle in and enjoy the ride — even if there are a few bumps along the way.

However, for an increasing number of students, the college experience may come with a certain amount of disappointment, disillusionment and dissatisfaction. Things simply may not be working. Students may turn to parents once again to help decide what to do next. For some students, the problem may be in making the adjustment to college life or in being unprepared for the experience. For others, academics are overwhelming and help is needed. Still other students may question whether they made the ”right” choice of college or major. They may feel that a change will help.

Parents Can Help College Students With the End-Of-Semester Stress Meltdown

December 2, 2020April 29, 2010 by Vicki Nelson

College parenting is difficult. Anyone who has a student headed to college, in college, or recently out of college has realized just how difficult the college parenting job can be. One of the most difficult things about this phase of parenting is feeling helpless at times as you watch your student struggle with something. One of the times when we often see this happening is during that stressful end-of semester period. Parents may see and hear their student experiencing what appears to be a meltdown in response to the pressure and stress that occurs at the end of the semester.

We’ve written an earlier post about helping your student through that end-of-semester push. Although we may often feel helpless, parents can be helpful and supportive in several ways. In this post, we’d like to examine the end-of-semester stress a bit more closely. It may be helpful for us, as parents, to be reminded of exactly what students are feeling and experiencing at this point in the college year.

What causes student stress?

The stress that students feel as the end of the semester nears is very real and is often overwhelming. And this stress is felt by both the best students and struggling students alike. Students often realize that there is more left to do than they realized. They recognize that they may have procrastinated on some projects more than they thought. They worry about deadlines, final papers, projects, presentations, and final exams.

Ten Wise Decisions Your College Student Can Make to Improve Their GPA

January 1, 2022March 9, 2010 by Vicki Nelson

If your college student is struggling academically, they (and you) may be wondering how to improve the situation. You are probably encouraging your student to do everything they can to do better. Most students who are in difficulty — perhaps even on academic warning or academic probation — want to do better, but many do not know what to do. They say they’ll work harder, but they don’t necessarily know how to work smarter. Other students simply make the wrong decisions in an attempt to improve their situation.

Talk to your student about their difficulty. Help them try to analyze what has caused the problem. (This may not be an easy process.) As your student thinks about how to address their situation, encourage them to avoid many common mistakes by considering some of the following wise decisions to improve their GPA.

Should My College Student Consider Retaking a Course?

December 6, 2019March 4, 2010 by Vicki Nelson

If your college student has failed a course, or has done poorly in a course, they may have a question about whether or not they should retake the course. This is an individual decision and will depend on your student’s circumstances as well as their institution’s policies. Some schools may not allow a student to retake a course, some may only allow a student to retake a course in which they have received an F, and some schools may allow a student to retake any course to improve the grade. The best thing would be for your student to discuss the option with their academic advisor.

However, there are some general things that your student might think about before they meet with their advisor. There are some compelling reasons to retake a course, and there are a few reasons why it may not be the best decision for your student.

Is Your College Student Investing Enough Time Studying?

August 18, 2019February 4, 2010 by Vicki Nelson

As a college parent, you probably have very little influence over the amount of time your college student spends studying. That is appropriate, as you begin to allow your student to gain independence and control over his choices and decisions. However, you might help your student understand the importance of investing enough time in his work in order to do well. As a parent, you may be able to help your student think through the realities of how he spends his time. Then, of course, it will be your job to step back and let him find his way.

The college experience is about more than just coursework. College is a time to meet new people, experience new things, and work at gaining independence. But college is also about classes, exams, studying, working with professors, and, hopefully, gaining a wealth of useful knowledge and new ways of thinking. In order for students to succeed, they need to put in the time. Unfortunately, many students either do not understand the amount of time necessary to do well in college, or they do not prioritize the amount of time they need to spend studying.

What is expected?

The general rule of thumb regarding college studying is, and has been for a long time, that for each class, students should spend approximately 2-3 hours of study time for each hour that they spend in class. Many students carry a course load of 15 credits, or approximately 15 hours of class time each week. Doing some simple math indicates that your student should be spending roughly 30 hours of study time and 15 hours in class. This 45 hours is the equivalent of a full time job — the reason that your student is called a full time student. For many students, this number is a surprise.

How Parents Can Help Their College Student in Difficulty

December 28, 2017January 3, 2010 by Vicki Nelson

When your college student began college you both had high hopes and expectations. You knew that there would be challenges ahead, but you both did everything that you could to prepare. Now your student seems to be struggling and having difficulty at college. You may be feeling helpless and concerned for her. Perhaps she hasn’t applied herself to studying, or perhaps she doesn’t understand what is required to succeed in college, or perhaps she has worked hard but is still unable to accomplish what she needs to do.

Whatever the reasons may be, your college student is now struggling and you want to know what you can do to help. Obviously, every situation is different and every family dynamic is different, but here are some posts that may help you as you try to decide how you can help support your student as he works to improve his situation.