Information for the parents of college students

College is a time of transition.  There is much discussion about the student’s transition to freshman year and to college in general.  But in many ways, college is a time of continual transition.  Your student moves into college, into and out of dorms and apartments, into (and sometimes out of) majors, and move on up the ladder of college class rank.  For some students the transition includes moving on to different colleges or to alternative paths.  Finally, students begin the transition out of college and into career.

Recognizing that this is a time of continual transition and change will help you support and encourage your student as he navigates his way through college.  We’ve included here some information about some of the transitions your student – and you – may face.

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In our last post, we suggested that one question that your student should ask every semester is “Am I on track to graduate in four years?”  If your student is not definitively able to answer this question for himself, he should find someone who can help him find the information that he needs to be able to evaluate whether he is on track.  As a college parent, it is important that you encourage your student to ask the question and find the answer, but it is not your job to answer the question.  With your encouragement, or perhaps insistence, your student needs to take ownership of his college career.

Asking the question, “Am I on track . . .” at least once each semester will help your student know how he is progressing.  He’ll need to consider his progress in accomplishing required credits, completing all college requirements, completing requirements for his major, maintaining a satisfactory GPA, and completing any additional curricular or extracurricular college requirements.

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Good college students recognize that asking questions – the right questions – is an important part of the learning process.  Sometimes asking just the right question, at just the right time, of just the right person, can make the difference between success and failure.  If your college student is interested in graduating from college in four years, there is an important question that he should be asking at least once every semester: “Am I on track to graduate in four years?”

Nationally, only 37% of college students graduate in four years.  The trend is for the majority of students to take at least five years to complete their degree.  Colleges now calculate their graduation rates based on the number of students who complete their degree in six years.  So the question of being on track is an important one.

For many students, a five-year or six-year plan may make sense.  Some students know at the time that they enter college that they will need longer to complete their degree.  They may need a reduced course load, they may have full time or part time jobs or family responsibilities, they may have significant outside or extracurricular activities that take a priority.  But for those students who enter college intending and hoping to finish in four years, taking ownership of their progress is essential.

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As many college students pass the mid-point in their semester, they begin to realize that the final results of the term may not be good.  This is a point in the term when some students give up.  They may decide to withdraw from a class or drop out of college entirely; or they may simply drift through the rest of the term and wait for the inevitable dismissal.  Some students, however, wonder whether they can salvage something from the term to build on later.

If your student is struggling at this point, and is willing to share his situation with you, it will be important that you be able to help him value his mistakes and think about what to do – both immediately and more long term.

First, it will be important that your student decide whether or not he wants to salvage anything.  He may not, and that may prompt a different conversation.  But if he wants to try, you may need to help him think about whether it is possible and what to do. Many students in this situation feel that they have lost control of what is happening in their lives.  The following plan may help them begin to take control once again.

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As November arrives and we enter the season of holidays, your college student is well past the mid-point of the semester.  If your student was a new, first-year student this fall, she is probably feeling that she is past the transition period.  If your student is not a new college student, the mid-point of another semester is one more step closer to graduation.

Now that the end of the semester may be in sight, the hard work of the semester also settles heavily on students’ shoulders.  Students may also be facing the consequences of some of the choices that they made earlier in the semester, and may need to make some decisions now about the future.  This is a good time to take stock, look back, and move forward.

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Hopefully, your college student has a good working relationship with her class professors. The relationship between a college student and her professors, in addition to the formal teaching done in the classroom, is often an important mentoring opportunity.   Of course, having a good relationship doesn’t necessarily mean that each professor will be on your student’s list of favorite people, but hopefully, she has at least found how to make each course work.

But what does your student do if things go wrong with his professor?  What if he has a serious problem that seems to be getting in the way of his success in a course?  What does he do then? Perhaps he picks up the phone and calls home.  This would be a good time to provide that important listening ear, and perhaps some sympathy, but it is definitely not the time to pick up the phone and call anyone at school.  This is an important time to help your student think through the situation, consider his alternatives, and create a plan of action.

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College parents’ task of estimating and preparing for the cost of college may just have become more realistic.  As of October 29, 2011, all colleges receiving federal aid will be required to provide a Net Cost Calculator on their college websites. The new net-price calculators are intended to help future college students and their parents have a better sense of the cost of attending a particular college for a particular student.

According to the College Board, the average cost for tuition, fees and living expenses at a four year private college was $38,590 last year.  Grants, scholarships and aid lowered that costs to an average of $11,380 to $17,130 for most students. Obviously, college “sticker price” may be dramatically different from the actual price.  The new net price calculators are intended to help provide a clearer picture by making college financing more transparent and colleges more accountable.

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The more that college parents know and understand about the college experience, the less we worry and the better we will be able to help our students to succeed and thrive throughout their college career.  However, there is an overwhelming amount of information out there on the web.   We’d like to help you find some of the information that might be most interesting and useful to you as a college parent.

In News and Views we share recent college related news and sources we’ve found as we do our research.  We hope that this feature will help to introduce you to new ideas and to help you keep up with some of the current issues that may affect your college student – and you.

We invite you to read some of the articles suggested below – and to let us know what you think of some of the ideas included here.

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We hear a lot these days about helicopter parents, and we hear a lot about the growing amount of communication between college parents and their college students.  This growing communication takes many forms – and is generally two-way communication. Parents aren’t the only ones doing the calling. Parents and their college students are often encouraged to limit their communication to enable college students to separate, make transitions, and become independent.

But what if too much communication with your college student isn’t your problem?  What if all communication with your college student feels one-way?  You call, text, e-mail – and you get no response.  Your student doesn’t pick up your calls or return messages or e-mails.  You may be frustrated, worried, or just plain angry.  It may help if you give some thought to why your student may not be communicating much, as well as what you can do, and shouldn’t do, to help increase the chances that your student will communicate more.

 In our last post, we considered some of the reasons why your student may not be contacting you as much as you think that he should.  In this post, we’ll look at some suggestions for improving the amount and quality of contact with your student.

What not to do when your student doesn’t call

You never hear from your college student – or at least it seems that way to you.  You’re upset, worried, and possibly angry.  You feel you need to take some action.  There are a few things we’d suggest that you avoid as you consider what to do.

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We hear a lot these days about helicopter parents, and we hear a lot about the growing amount of communication between college parents and their college students.  This growing communication takes many forms – and is generally two-way communication. Parents aren’t the only ones doing the calling. Parents and their college students are often encouraged to limit their communication to enable college students to separate, make transitions, and become independent.

But what if too much communication with your college student isn’t your problem?  What if all communication with your college student feels one-way?  You call, text, e-mail – and you get no response.  Your student doesn’t pick up your calls or return messages or e-mails.  You may be frustrated, worried, or just plain angry.  It may help if you give some thought to why your student may not be communicating much, as well as what you can do, and shouldn’t do, to help increase the chances that your student will communicate more.

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