Information for the parents of college students

We hear a lot these days about helicopter parents, and we hear a lot about the growing amount of communication between college parents and their college students.  This growing communication takes many forms – and is generally two-way communication. Parents aren’t the only ones doing the calling. Parents and their college students are often encouraged to limit their communication to enable college students to separate, make transitions, and become independent.

But what if too much communication with your college student isn’t your problem?  What if all communication with your college student feels one-way?  You call, text, e-mail – and you get no response.  Your student doesn’t pick up your calls or return messages or e-mails.  You may be frustrated, worried, or just plain angry.  It may help if you give some thought to why your student may not be communicating much, as well as what you can do, and shouldn’t do, to help increase the chances that your student will communicate more.

 In our last post, we considered some of the reasons why your student may not be contacting you as much as you think that he should.  In this post, we’ll look at some suggestions for improving the amount and quality of contact with your student.

What not to do when your student doesn’t call

You never hear from your college student – or at least it seems that way to you.  You’re upset, worried, and possibly angry.  You feel you need to take some action.  There are a few things we’d suggest that you avoid as you consider what to do.

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We hear a lot these days about helicopter parents, and we hear a lot about the growing amount of communication between college parents and their college students.  This growing communication takes many forms – and is generally two-way communication. Parents aren’t the only ones doing the calling. Parents and their college students are often encouraged to limit their communication to enable college students to separate, make transitions, and become independent.

But what if too much communication with your college student isn’t your problem?  What if all communication with your college student feels one-way?  You call, text, e-mail – and you get no response.  Your student doesn’t pick up your calls or return messages or e-mails.  You may be frustrated, worried, or just plain angry.  It may help if you give some thought to why your student may not be communicating much, as well as what you can do, and shouldn’t do, to help increase the chances that your student will communicate more.

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College is a time of learning – both in and outside of the classroom.  College students will make mistakes and most will learn from those mistakes.  Wise students and their parents recognize that mistakes are part of the learning curve, and they respect and tolerate those mistakes.  As college parents, however, we hope that our students will not make mistakes that will have a negative impact on their college career.

As a parent, you may want to anticipate and watch for these nine potential decisions and talk to your student about his choices.  Remember, however, that although you may alert your student to these pitfalls, he will ultimately need to make his own decisions – and live with the consequences – but that he will learn from experience.

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October marks a settling in time for college students.  The routine of class schedule, social life and activities is established.  Although some students are still working through the transition to college life, the “newness” of it all is wearing off.  This routine is both positive and negative.  Your student can settle down to her new life, but the reality of college life and work is also hitting your student.  The work of college classes is very real, and midterm exams are not far away.

Hopefully, you’ve also settled in to your new routine as a college parent.  You’re communicating – but not too much.  You’ve adjusted to a new life at home – but can’t wait for your student’s next visit.

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From time to time, we like to review some of the books available for parents of college students.  There is a wealth of literature available to help parents cope with the transition to college and the changes that occur throughout the college years.  We’ve offered some lists of recommended reading, and there is something for everyone.  Please check out our Reviews and Reading Lists category in the right hand column for lists and additional reviews.

The iConnected Parent: Staying Close to Your Kids in College (and Beyond) While Letting Them Grow Up by Barbara K Hofer and Abigail Sullivan Moore should be required reading for any parent sending his or her child away to college. The authors perceptively hold a mirror up to allow parents to see themselves and understand why we feel the need to be so involved in and connected to our children’s lives.

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Even in the age of electronic communication, college students love to receive “real” mail.  Perhaps the mail that college students love to receive the most are those wonderful care packages from home.  It is possible to find services that will send a care package for you, and these are fun to receive, too, but nothing beats something put together lovingly from home.

We’ve previously offered some suggestions for care package contents and mailing considerations, but we’re coming back with more suggestions here.  Read both posts for help putting together the best care packages ever.

Putting together just the right care packages should be a fun way to think about your student and her interests and personality.  Keep a list or start a collection early and add things whenever you think of them.  Send packages early and often – they’re especially welcome at the beginning of the term, but are also welcome at exam time, to celebrate an event, or just as an unexpected surprise.

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As you drop your student off for college, and then return to your empty nest, you may be thinking mostly about how much you’ll miss him.  You may be worrying about how quiet the house will seem without him.  You may or may not be worried about how well he will succeed at school, –  but you’re also thinking about the hole that remains in your family.

You’ll certainly miss your student.  And, although you may not believe it as you return to your empty (or at least emptier) house, you will get used to having your student away.  What you may or may not have thought about are some of the advantages of moving your college student out of the house and away at school.

We’d like to offer a slightly light-hearted reminder that there is an upside to sending your student away to college.

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Parents’ Weekend at your student’s college may be just around the corner.  This may be your first opportunity to visit your freshman at his college.  He may or may not have been home for a visit already, but whether he’s been home or not, your first visit to his new home away from home can feel like a momentous occasion.

Parents’ Weekend is a wonderful opportunity for you and your student to spend some time together.  Each school organizes the event a bit differently, but the overall purpose and format are often similar.  Read an overview of Parents’ Weekend to understand better what to expect.

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As college students headed back to school this fall, Merriam Webster  announced that “helicopter parent” was now an entry in their dictionary. Helicopter Parents are an important topic.  Those same parents may now be dealing with the Empty Nest Syndrome.

I was privileged to be a guest this fall on Wisconsin Public Radio’s Joy Cardin show as together we explored the topics of helicopter parents and empty nests.  For those of us sending our students off to college, there’s lots of food for thought during this interview.

Listen to the Wisconsin Public Radio interview and then let us know your thoughts.  Have you just sent someone off to college?  Do you consider yourself a helicopter parent?  How are you coping with your empty nest?

College Parent Central is pleased to introduce a new feature.  We continue to believe that the more that college parents know and understand about the college experience, the less we worry and the better we will be able to help our students to succeed and thrive throughout their college career.  We try to provide information and suggestions to help parents navigate the often mysterious and sometimes overwhelming role of college parent.

There is a lot of information out there on the web.   We’d like to help you find some of the information that might be most interesting and useful to you as a college parent.

We plan to do an occasional post gathering useful links to articles we think college parents might find helpful.  We’ll share news and sources we’ve found as we do our research.  We hope that it will help to introduce you to new ideas and to help you keep up with some of the current issues that may affect your college student – and you.

We invite you to read some of the articles suggested below – and to let us know if you find this new feature helpful.

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