Category — Tips for Parents of College Students

It is inevitable that sometime during the four years that your student is at college he will get hurt or sick.  Colleges have health centers to care for students who are injured or sick, and the local emergency room is available for more serious crises.  However, there will be many times through the college years when your student may just need a bit of help for minor injuries or ailments.  A good first aid kit never substitutes for a sympathetic parent, but when your student is on his own, he will be grateful if he has the necessary tools to help himself.

Put together a first aid kit to send to college with your student.  Of course, you hope she’ll never need it, but she will, and when she does, she’ll appreciate that you planned ahead.  Here are a few things to include in your student’s kit.

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As a college parent, you may be looking forward to the summer months, and your student’s return home from college, with mixed emotions.  You’ve missed your student while she was away, and you are anxious to spend time with her again.  However, you recognize that she’s been on her own for months now, and you’re not sure what to expect.  Parents and students who worked hard to make the off-to-college transition, must now work at a new transition to living together once again.  There will be adjustments for everyone.

In addition to the adjustments that everyone will need to make regarding living together once again, college students may be faced with the question of what to do during these summer months.  Some students may have a job lined up – perhaps the same job that they had before they went away.  Others may still be unsure of what the next few months will bring.

Certainly, most students are looking forward to a well-deserved break from school work and routine.    However, this doesn’t mean that the summer months are not important, and hopefully productive, months for your college student.  After your student has had an opportunity to catch up on some sleep, eat a few home-cooked meals, and do some laundry, it may be time to have a conversation about a plan for the summer.

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For many college students and their parents, the finish line is in sight.  Commencement is just around the corner.  Students have worked hard to reach this final moment.  Parents have been patient (most of the time), have supported, have worried, have encouraged (or downright scolded), have paid tuition again and again, and have possibly had moments when they wondered if this time would ever come.

But the season of Commencement is finally here, with all of the ceremony and pomp and circumstance that accompany it.  Most college students have experienced a high school graduation, which may or may not have been as formal as college Commencement.  Some students, and their parents, may be wondering what to expect, and what the experience will be like.

The format of commencement may vary according to the nature of the school, the size of the class, the weather, the location, or the particular traditions of the institution.  However, many factors may be similar no matter where the ceremony occurs.  Commencement is seen as the capstone experience of the student’s academic career.  It is a dignified, formal occasion and marks the formal action of conferring and receiving academic degrees.  Degrees are conferred on the candidates by the presiding officer (usually the college president) after they have been recommended or presented by another official (often a dean or provost).

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If the college acceptance letters have just begun to come in, congratulations!  You are now officially a college parent.  You are excited for your student, and possibly a bit overwhelmed for yourself.  You’re not sure what you should be thinking about, or doing, or how to help your student prepare for the next phase.

Here at College Parent Central we believe that the more information you have, the better you will be able to support your college student as he navigates his new experiences.  But the problem with lots of information is that it can feel overwhelming.  Here are a few posts that we think might be a good starting point.  You’ll want to read more specific information later, but if you’re a new college parent, these posts should help you think about your new role and help you get started on your journey.   Congratulations!

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If it is spring semester, spring break is on the minds of most students – and many of their parents.  Students have been hard at work since the fall, many have had a winter break at home with their families, and many students look forward to that mid-point of spring semester when they can let off steam.  Sending your student off to college as a first-year student was a sometimes frightening “letting go” experience for many parents.  One of the next major steps of independence for many students may be heading off on a trip for spring break.

Not all students travel for spring break.  The reality is that many of those students who do head for the typical spring break destinations receive a lot of publicity, but these students represent only a portion of the number of college students in the country.  Many students cannot afford expensive spring break trips.  Many students head home for some quality down time with family, or extra study time. Some students spend break working to increase income.   Increasingly, many students opt to spend an alternative spring break traveling and doing community service work.  More and more colleges are offering organized alternatives to their students.  College athletes may travel with a team.  Some students spend the break doing internships.  And some students choose to travel – but not to prime student destinations.

If your student is coming home for break, remember that, just like winter break, your student probably needs some down time.  That may mean that she may spend much of the week sleeping, doing laundry, eating, catching up on TV, and possibly sleeping some more.  This is a vacation for your student.  She has likely just finished midterm exams, and she knows that she has a lot of work ahead of her when she returns to school.  Be patient with her student hours, her apparent lack of motivation, and her need for sleep.

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College is expensive.  Both parents and students know that they are investing a lot of money in a college education.  Some families have pieced together significant scholarships, grants and loans in order to pay for a college education.  This post is not about those bigger financial issues that make a college education possible.  It is about helping your student create and live by a daily budget for his living expenses.  Whether your student must pay for his own expenses, or whether you partially or fully fund his expenses, college is the ideal time for your student to learn to manage his money carefully.

Working together with your student to help her establish a budget may provide an opportunity for you to talk with her about her priorities, her needs and wants, her interests, and her goals.  You will get to know your student even better.  You will be helping her to establish an important skill for after graduation, as well as helping her to understand where her money goes now.  She may already understand, or she may be surprised to discover, how quickly little expenses add up.  Your student’s budget will be more and more realistic each semester that she spends at college as she learns what true costs are and what opportunities she may have to save.  If she is just starting college, her budget may be only an estimate and she will need to be flexible.

Thinking About Budgeting

Hopefully, your college student will be interested and willing to work at setting up a budget.  If he resists, try to insist.  Help him understand the importance of understanding where his money goes.  Convince him that if he wants or needs more money, or more independence, later, then he will have a more solid argument if he can demonstrate his spending responsibility.  Creating a daily budget is another step toward the responsible independence that both you and your student seek.

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When your child leaves home for college, you worry about losing contact.  She will be living at college, and perhaps not returning home for several weeks or months, so you worry.  However, with some effort on your part, your communication with your student may become even more meaningful than when she was home.

This post is the third in a series of five posts that may give you food for thought about how you communicate with your college student. We’re posting one of these articles each week for five weeks.  Some of our suggestions may be common sense reminders, and some may be new ideas for you.  Obviously, communication skills are interrelated, so please consider all of these suggestions together.  Our first post concerned how you listen to your student, our second looked at nonverbal communication.  In this post we discuss how to check perceptions to make sure you understand what your student is really saying.  In our final two posts we’ll look at how to ask helpful questions, and how to frame some of your messages so your student may be willing to listen.  We hope that thinking about how you listen and talk to your student may help you to keep all of your communication doors wide open.

You listen carefully to your student and you consider the nonverbal signals so that you can read between the lines.  You know you’re getting the message.  Maybe.  No matter how much care you take to try to get the message correctly, you may be wrong.  One technique that can help to improve your communication with your college student is called perception checking.  It is simply making sure that what you think you heard is accurate.  Don’t assume that your understanding is correct.

The goal of perception checking is that both you and your student have a shared understanding, that both you and your student know that you are working together to understand each other.  This cooperative approach helps you to clarify what you’ve heard, but not put your student on the spot.  It shows your respect for your student because you don’t assume that you can read his mind, and it shows that you recognize that your perspective may be different from your student’s.

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When your child leaves home for college, you worry about losing contact.  She will be living at college, and perhaps not returning home for several weeks or months, so you worry.  However, with some effort on your part, your communication with your student may become even more meaningful than when she was home.

This post is the second in a series of five posts that may give you food for thought about how you communicate with your college student. We’re posting one of these articles each week for five weeks.  Some of our suggestions may be common sense reminders, and some may be new ideas for you.  Obviously, communication skills are interrelated, so please consider all of these suggestions together.  Our first post concerned how you listen to your student.  In this post we’ll consider nonverbal communication and the signals that you send and interpret. In future posts we discuss how to check perceptions to make sure you understand what your student is really saying, how to ask helpful questions, and how to frame some of your messages so your student may be willing to listen.  We hope that thinking about how you listen and talk to your student may help you to keep all of your communication doors wide open.

Most of us think of nonverbal communication as body language, and it is.  However, there are more facets to nonverbal communication than many of us might imagine, even though we use these aspects of communication daily to help us understand people. So, as we discuss nonverbal communication, let’s begin by broadening our definition.  Nonverbal communication is anything that helps to get a message from one person to another without using the meaning of the words.  With this definition, nonverbal communication includes not only body language, but also tone of voice, appearance, timing, facial expressions, and even the atmosphere in which we choose to have a conversation.

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When your child leaves home to head for college, you worry about losing contact with her.  If she will be living at college, and perhaps not returning home for several weeks or months, you worry.  However, it is possible that, with some effort on your part, your communication may become even more meaningful.

This post is the first in a series of five posts that may give you food for thought about how you communicate with your college student. We’re posting one of these articles each week over the next five weeks.  Some of our suggestions may be common sense reminders, and some may be new ideas for you.  Obviously, communication skills are interrelated, so consider all of these suggestions together.  This first post concerns how you listen to your student.  In future posts we’ll consider nonverbal communication and the signals that you send, how to check perceptions to make sure you understand what your student is really saying, how to ask helpful questions, and how to frame some of your messages so your student may be willing to listen.  We hope that thinking about how you listen and talk to your student may help you to keep all of your communication doors wide open.

Listening matters!

Listening may be one of the most important, and undervalued, communication skills that we use.  Unfortunately, many of us believe that listening is passive and that if we’re not talking, we’re not really communicating.  Listening well is difficult, and doing it well takes practice. Listening well will help you understand your student better and will also model listening skills for your student.  Hopefully, he’ll also learn how to listen to you. We’d like to offer eight suggestions that may help you listen more carefully to what your college student has to tell you.

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We’ve emphasized in many of our posts the importance of good communication with your college student.  We think this is such an important topic that we’re planning a series of posts in the next few weeks with some communication suggestions.  In the meantime, thinking not only about how you communicate, but also when and where you communicate may be helpful – especially if your student may be headed home for a break.  You might enhance your chances of a good conversation – or doom it – simply by choosing your time and place carefully.  Of course, there’s no exact answer for everyone.  Knowing your student, and thinking about your family dynamic makes all of the difference.  But here’s some food for thought.

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