Category — Supporting Your College Student

No college student heads off to college with the plan to be placed on academic probation and face potential dismissal.  Few parents, when they drop their student off for college in September, expect that their student will struggle to the point of being placed on probation.  But the reality is that, for many students, their academic work warrants the college officially notifying them that they are in danger of being dismissed.  Parents can be a tremendous asset, or can potentially make matters worse, when this happens.  Here are some suggestions about how you, and your college student, can cope with academic probation.

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For many college students, the final push of the semester is an extremely stressful time.  This is the time when many students realize that their time-management skills may not be the best.  This is the time when students realize how much reading is left, how many papers are still unfinished (or not yet begun), how much material will actually be covered on a final exam.  Students are overwhelmed, tired, sometimes sick, and often nervous or downright frightened.

During this stressful time of the semester, parents need to be supportive, but give a student some “space” to deal with his issues.  Students will react to pressure differently.  Some will rise to the occasion – and even thrive on the adrenaline of the final push.  Others will fall apart, have a meltdown, – and then pull themselves together and tackle what they need to do.  Some may forge ahead as they have all semester, almost oblivious to the added pressure at this point.  Others may crumple under the stress.  Parents need to be prepared for anything.

As college parents seek to find the right balance for the end-of-semester time, we’ve gathered a few earlier posts that may be especially helpful.  Remember that your role is supportive and that you need to let your college student cope in the best way that she can.  It is often difficult to stand back and watch as your college student struggles, but this is part of the independence that your student needs.  She may make some choices that are helpful and some choices that are not particularly wise.  She will learn from her choices either way.

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No one likes to make mistakes. We know we may not be perfect, but we try not to make too many mistakes – especially what we might consider “stupid mistakes”.  College students don’t like to make mistakes either, but they will probably make some – perhaps many – mistakes throughout their college career.  It is difficult, as a parent, to watch your college student make what you might consider avoidable mistakes.  The problem may not be the mistakes themselves, but the attitude that both parents and students have toward their mistakes.

Making mistakes is a way of learning.  We may make mistakes when we try new things, or stretch our limits.  Others may have made the same mistake before us, but we may need to make the mistake ourselves in order to learn from it. It doesn’t matter what others have told us, we need to have the experience ourselves.  College is, in many ways, practice for life.  College students may stumble and fall at times – sometimes in small ways and sometimes in more serious ways – but, hopefully, they will learn from their mistakes and become wiser.  As college parents, we can help our students make sense of these experiences.

This post is not about specific mistakes that students make in college, but rather it is about how parents can help college students accept their mistakes as a valuable part of their college experience and learn from them.  Sometimes the mistakes that students make in college may be very serious, and have serious consequences.  It is important that parents consider carefully when to intervene. (Hint: it may not be as soon as we think.) Parents need to continue to find the balance between letting go and allowing their student to make a mistake and bear the consequences, and intervening when the student’s health or safety may be at stake.

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As parents, we want to support our college student in every way that we can.  We want her to know that we are aware that she is working hard.  We want her to know that we are proud of her.   We want to be present to see the fruits of her efforts, and to see her shine.  The problem is that sometimes we simply can’t get to campus and we need to do our supporting from afar.

What do you do if your student is participating in that important athletic event, playing or singing in that important concert, performing in that play, dancing in that show, being inducted in that honor society, or receiving that prestigious award and you can’t make the trip to the college to be there?  As a parent, you’re disappointed and you feel that you’ve let your student down.  Intellectually, you know that you have no choice, but emotionally, it is difficult.

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Things happen.  As college students work at their increasing independence and responsibility, as they learn that some of the choices that they are making are good choices and others are not, as they strive to find balance, as they struggle to accept consequences for their actions, things happen.  Some of these things are good things, affirming that your student is growing and maturing and making wise decisions.  Some of these things are not as positive, and some may have serious consequences.  Some students have poor or even failing grades, some face college judicial or even legal consequences, some face health issues, some face social problems, some face serious money issues,  and some simply feel that they’ve made all of the wrong choices at this point in their life.

Whatever may be happening for your college student, it may be magnified at the midpoint in a semester.  The reality of midterm grades may be a wake-up call.  The urgency of the remaining few weeks may hit.  The immediacy of a break or holiday at home with family may dawn.  The tensions are increasing as the semester progresses.

No matter what your college student may be experiencing or feeling right now, the second thing that many students worry about may be “How will I tell my parents?”  As parents, we like to think that our college students can talk to us about whatever may be bothering them.  However, for many students, concern about family reactions to college difficulties may be adding to an already difficult time.  This may be especially true for families that are, or have been, close.  Our college students don’t want to disappoint us.  They don’t want to let us down.  They don’t want to fail at their new found independence.

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Your college student has received his midterm grades.  He may be pleased and feeling relieved, or he may have some cause for concern.  Now is the time that he needs to do some serious thinking about how he will approach the second half of the semester.  If all of his grades are good then he knows that he is on the right track.  If some, or all, of his grades are weak, then it is time to think about a new approach.

Your college student may, or may not, share his midterm grades with you.  If your student has some low midterm grades, he may view this as a failure.  You may need to help your student put these grades into perspective and make some decisions about the second half of the semester.

Withdrawing from a college class is not the same thing as dropping a class early in the term.  At most institutions, students have an option in the first few days of the term of dropping a class.  This is important for students who find that they are in the wrong level of a class, or that the class is inappropriate or of no interest to them.  Classes that are dropped at the beginning of the term generally do not show up on the student’s permanent record.  Withdrawing from a class later in the term usually results in a “W” appearing on the student’s transcript.  The “W” has no effect on the student’s GPA (Grade Point Average).

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Several research studies tell us that college students who have a strong support system at home do better in college.  As college parents, we work hard to provide that support system.  We may even think about how to involve siblings in our college student’s life.  Sometimes, however, we may forget an important source of continued support for our college student – grandparents.  One estimate indicates that more than half of adults over the age of 65 have adult grandchildren over 18.  So many college students have grandparents who may want to be involved in their college experiences.

Not all college students may have grandparents who are able to be involved in their grandchild’s college life, but there are many different ways that grandparents might contribute to the student’s experiences.  One survey of students indicated that relationships with grandparents or significant elders influenced their life choices, values and goals.  These relationships gave students a sense of self, of roots, of tradition.  Another study found that student perceptions of their relationships with grandparents were generally positive.  They felt affection and respect for their grandparents.

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Once midterm exams are over, many students will receive their midterm grades.  At some institutions students will receive grades, if they receive them at all, individually from instructors.  At other institutions, there may be something more formal.  Students may receive actual letter grades, or they may receive something to indicate satisfactory or unsatisfactory grades.

There are some important things to remember about midterm grades – and to help your student remember in order to make sense – and productive use – of these mid-semester grades.

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Midterm exam time is a stressful time for most students.  For many students, midterm exam time comes as a wake-up call.  The beginning of the semester has progressed smoothly, or so it seems, and then suddenly your student realizes how much there still is to do on that paper or project, or how many chapters are yet unread, or how much material must be memorized for an exam.  Although some students may have had large midterm or final exams in high school, for some students this may be a new experience.  This may be one of the first big college reality checks for your student.

College parents may feel helpless as their college student begins to worry or even panic over exams.  This is one of those college moments where your student needs to figure out how she will cope.  However, there are a few things that parents can do to help students through this stressful time.

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Note: This is not an H1N1 flu post.  Colleges across the country have put careful plans into place to deal with students who may become sick with flu.  Check the plan put in place by your student’s school (probably on the website).  Make sure your student knows what to do if she feels that she has the flu.

This post addresses the more ordinary illnesses that students inevitably encounter sometime during their first semester away.

As parents, we worry when our children get sick.  We worried when they were infants, we worried when they were young, and we continue to worry about our children when they become adults.  When your child is far away from home, you worry even more. It is difficult, as a parent, to hear from your college student that she is sick – and it is a difficult time for your student as well.  This may be the first time that your student is sick without having you there to care for her.  Although you may be feeling helpless, there are a few things that you can do to help your college student through this time.

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