Category — Your College Parent Role

This is the first of three posts that consider the concept of college helicopter parents.  The concept is certainly not new, but it warrants continual examination – and sometimes redefinition.  In this post, we look at the definition of helicopter parents, as well as some of the motivation behind parental hovering.  In our next post, we will examine who helicopter parents are and how they operate, and in our final post, we will consider the consequences of helicoptering and suggest some possible ways in which parents might hover productively.

 Helicopter parents have a poor reputation.  Actually, that is probably a polite way of putting it.  In most of the higher education world, when the term “helicopter parents” is used, it is not used kindly.  Even parents who engage in “helicoptering” don’t like to identify themselves as such, “I don’t want to be a helicopter parent, but . . . “  The truth is that many parents do hover, but some do it better than others.  The concept itself isn’t necessarily bad, but the extremists have given it a bad name.  Perhaps what needs to happen is that more parents need to redefine what it means to be a helicopter parent and learn to do their hovering productively.

[Read more →]

There are many good books and resources available for college parents.  Each book takes a slightly different approach to the process of sending your child off to college – and surviving the transition.  We’ve provided a reading list of some of the titles available in an earlier post.  However, in addition to providing titles, we’d like to introduce you to some of the books.  We plan to review one book each month over the next several months.  We hope this will give you some insight into the books, and provide guidance as you choose some titles to read.

In this first review, we’ll look at one of the seminal titles in college parenting: Letting Go: A Parents’ Guide to Understanding the College Years
by Karen Levin Coburn and Madge Lawrence Treeger.  This book is a comprehensive, thoughtful, and practical guide for parents of college students or soon-to-be college students.  In fact, it would be most helpful to read this book during a student’s junior year in high school as it covers the college application process as well as the transition to college itself.

[Read more →]

After all of the months, and years, of preparing, it’s finally here!  As college move-in day approaches, parents recognize the reality of having their student actually head off to college.  Somehow, you know your student will eventually get packed, you will manage to fit everything in the car, and your student will finally end up settled in his room. But the process may seem daunting.

 Move-in day will go more smoothly if you have prepared well at home.  You can help your student be organized about packing and preparing for the big move.  However, no matter how well prepared you are, move-in day will be a new experience for all of you.

 Your student’s college may send you some information ahead of time, and they will probably do everything they can to help you navigate the day, but here are some suggestions that may help to make the day – and the transition – go more smoothly.

[Read more →]

We send our students off to college to get an education.  We know that, in addition to their academic pursuits, they will be learning about life and the “real world”.  So why should we need to teach them anything before they head out the door?  Because there are some skills that will help them survive on their own as they navigate the world of college.  Here are eight skills that will help your student succeed in “College 101″.

[Read more →]

This post includes a list of fourteen books of interest to parents of college students.  The list is not inclusive: there are more books out there.  The authors of these books have different styles and different approaches.  Some are probably better than others.  We are not endorsing any of the books, but hope that the list will serve as a resource for parents who want more information.  You won’t want to read them all, but look for some of the titles that intrigue you.

Over the next few months, we plan to review some of these books to provide a bit more guidance about their content and approaches, but in the meantime, enjoy gathering some additional information – and recognizing that you’re not alone in your joys and concerns about your student heading off to college.

[Read more →]

Communication between parents and teenagers is often difficult.  As parents of college students we have lived through most of those difficult years.  Now that your student is headed off to college and you may not have the same kind of daily contact with her, you want to make good use of the times that you do communicate with her.  Although you may not see her for several weeks (if she is living away), you may talk more often.  Daily phone conversations may not be the best way to encourage independence, but you may want to establish some regular phone contact to help you stay connected.  You also want to take advantage of those conversations that happen when she does come home for a visit.

So now that communication with your college student may happen less often, you want to maximize the opportunities that you have.  What can you do?  The short answer is to talk less and listen more.  You may be surprised at how much you will learn about your student simply by listening.  Here are twelve suggestions that will help you listen more carefully to your college student.

[Read more →]

As college parents of the millennial generation of students, we have spent most of our children’s lives actively involved in most of what they do.  Parents have been told throughout their children’s lives that the more involved that they were, the better their children would fare.  Most colleges and universities are currently working to learn how to best involve this generation of parents in the lives of their students at the college level, not by soliciting more involvement, but by channeling our energies appropriately.

 In several of our earlier posts, we have discussed ways in which parents can shift to a coaching model with their student as well as how parents might communicate with the college.  In this post, we take a look at ways in which many colleges are reaching out to help parents find their place in their student’s college experience.

 Two decades ago, most colleges and universities paid very little attention to communication or programming for college parents.  Parents dropped their students off at the beginning of freshman year and, with the exception of a possible Parents’ Weekend in the fall, had very little official involvement with the school until Commencement.  Today, as colleges begin to recognize parents as partners in student support, more and more schools are establishing offices on campus whose primary responsibility is Parent Relations.  The scope of services provided by such an office is continually expanding as parents insist on involvement and schools attempt to maximize and channel “helicopter parent” enthusiasm.  Colleges are paying attention.

[Read more →]

This is the third part in a three part series about acting as a coach to your college student. . In our first  post we considered the shift in our role as our student heads off to college.  In the second post, we heard some advice from some of the world’s outstanding coaches, and considered how it applies to college parenting. In this post, we consider some specific tips for coaching your student through the college years.

 If you’ve read the first two posts in this series, you may be ready by now to embrace your role as a coach to your college student.  Good for you.  But you may wonder just how you will do that.  How do you coach from afar?  What do you need to do to coach him on to success?

 We’d like to offer five coaching suggestions for parents of college students.

[Read more →]

This is the second part in a three part series about acting as a coach to your college student. In our previous post we considered the shift in our role as our student heads off to college.  In this post, we’ll listen to some advice from some of the world’s outstanding coaches, and consider how it applies to college parenting.

 Many of the world’s greatest athletes credit their success to the influence of their coaches.  They recognize that, while they may have certain abilities, they need the teaching, insight, and training that a quality coach can provide.  This post is intended to inspire you in your new role as coach.  You may have thought of yourself in this role before, as your child went through high school; you may have been, or currently are, an athletic coach –  or this may be a new image for you.  Either way, let’s explore some of the wisdom of the world’s greatest coaches and consider what it means to be a great coach.

[Read more →]

This is the first part in a three part series about acting in a new role as a coach for your college student.

 As your child heads off to college you are probably experiencing many emotions.  That is not only natural, it is a good thing.  It means that you recognize the enormity of the step that your child is taking as he enters that first year of college.  Remember how it felt when he headed to kindergarten, or got behind the wheel of the car for the first time?  In many ways, this new phase is similar.

 It is important to remember that this is a new stage, not only for your child, but for you as well.  As the parent of a college freshman, your role is changing in significant ways.  We know that this is an important time of transition for our college student, but we’re often so busy focusing on our son or daughter that we forget that this is a transition for us as well. 

[Read more →]