Category — Communicating With Your College Student

It may not be inevitable, but it is common and it is normal.  It’s two weeks into your college freshman’s first semester, (or three weeks, or one week, or five weeks) and you get the phone call.  It may be three o’clock in the afternoon, but more likely it is midnight.  Your student is miserable.  He hates school, he is overwhelmed academically, he has no friends, he hates the food, he’s ready to come home.  As a parent, you panic.  This was all a mistake, he should have gone somewhere else, or stayed home, or commuted to a local school.  You are ready to leave home immediately and go to school to collect him and bring him home.  At the very least, you are up half of the night worrying about him.

But wait, you are not alone!  Understanding that this phone call may be a normal part of the adjustment to college for many freshmen may help.  Being prepared for the situation, while hoping that it never arises, will help.  Here are some suggestions for what to do if you get that phone call from your miserable college freshman.

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As a college parent, you experience a changing relationship with your college student once she heads off to college.  During her growing years, you have functioned as caretaker, worrying and working to make sure that all has gone as well as possible in many areas of her life.  Once your student goes to college, you will have less contact with her everyday life.  This doesn’t mean that you will necessarily have less communication with her.  Conversations change from “Where are you going?”, “When will you be home?” and “You need to pick up your shoes,” to more interesting and potentially more meaningful topics.

 Most of us value our conversations and discussions with our college students.  We want to know how their lives are unfolding, what they are thinking and feeling, and we want to share our thoughts with them.  Chances are that our students want the same thing.  However, even with our best of intentions, there are two conversational habits which are what Rebecca Shafir in her book The Zen of Listening calls “listening stoppers”. We probably don’t even realize that we are doing these things.   

 Take some time to consider whether you might be guilty of either of these habits.

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This is the third of a series of three posts about college students and studying abroad.  In the first post we looked at some of the reasons why a study abroad program might make sense for your college student.  In the second post, we considered how to help your student prepare to go abroad, and in this final post we look at what to do while he is away.

Your college student has headed off confidently (or perhaps with a bit of trepidation) on her study abroad experience.  You are proud of her, excited for her, and perhaps, a bit concerned for her.  You know that the experience is important and wonderful for her, but you are a parent and you worry.  Here are a few suggestions of things that you can do to help ease the transition – for her – and for you.

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This is the second of a series of three posts about college students and studying abroad.  In the first post we looked at some of the reasons why a study abroad program might make sense for your college student.  In this post, we consider how to help your student prepare to go abroad, and in the final post we’ll look at what to do while he is away.

Now that your student has decided to study abroad and has chosen an appropriate program, the real preparation begins.  There is much to do to get ready for this new and exciting experience.  As the college parent, your role will be largely supportive, but your involvement will be crucial.  Working with your student to ensure the best experience possible can be rewarding for both of you.  Remember, though, that your student needs to be in charge of preparations.  This is good practice for the independence that he will need while he is away.

Here are some suggestions of ways in which you might be helpful.

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This is the second of two posts on the phenomenon of sophomore slump, the difficulty that many students experience during their second year of college.  In the first post we examined some of the reasons that students may encounter a slump.  In this post, we look specifically at some things that parents can do to help their students during this time.

Once our college students complete that tumultuous first year of college, they face their sophomore year and the changes that it brings.  As college parents, we can help our sophomore students by realizing that, for many students, the concept of sophomore slump really does exist.  Our sophomore students may need just as much support from home, even though that need may be less obvious.

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As your college student heads off for freshman year, you know that there will be challenges ahead – both for him and for you.  This is a year of transition for everyone.  The challenges facing your student will exist in many areas, and you may feel that you will be unable to help him face his challenges if you are not there with him.  It is true that your student must do the work of college, but you will provide an important and necessary support system for him as he copes with his new life.

Some students will find reasonable challenges in many areas of their new life, and some students will find smooth sailing in several areas and massive challenges in other areas.  In this post, we’ll consider nine major areas in which many college students encounter challenges during their first semester transition to college.  Parents can consider how they can best help their student gain mastery and independence in these areas.

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We send our students off to college to get an education.  We know that, in addition to their academic pursuits, they will be learning about life and the “real world”.  So why should we need to teach them anything before they head out the door?  Because there are some skills that will help them survive on their own as they navigate the world of college.  Here are eight skills that will help your student succeed in “College 101″.

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In our last post, we suggested five conversations parents and students should have before the student begins college.  Here are five more questions to consider.

The process of heading off to college – both for your student and for you – is filled with expectations.  One roadblock, however, may be that your expectations and your student’s expectations may not be the same.  Using the summer months for some frank and open talk about expectations will clear the air – and possibly avoid difficult situations later when you realize that you, or she, made some assumptions.  Good communication now will also lay the foundation for continued quality communication once your student heads off.

Here are five questions or conversations you might consider having before your student leaves for school.  Don’t try to cover them all at once, but try to touch on some of these topics as you both prepare.  Not only will you learn some things about your student, but she may learn some things about you as well.

When, and how often, will your student come home to visit during the first semester?

Whether or not your student will come home to visit during the first semester may not be an issue if your student is far away from home.  But if your student’s school is close enough, do you anticipate her coming home often?  Does she plan to come home?  Some students head off to college planning to come home every weekend.  They want to see their friends, they may want some home-cooking, or they may have a weekend job at home.  However, students who are connected to their college – through friends and on-campus activities often do better.  Of course, you don’t want your student to feel as though you don’t want her to come home, but you may need to discuss the importance of her spending time on campus to establish her new life.  You may need to work to understand why she doesn’t want to come home on the weekend to visit you.  Be flexible, of course, but make a plan before your student leaves home.

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The summer before your student heads of to college is an exciting, busy, and stressful time for everyone.  There’s lots to do to prepare – forms to complete, finances to consider, orientations to attend, shopping to do.  Your student may be working and is also busy trying to spend as much time with his friends – and saying goodbye.  Communication with your college student may have its wonderful moments, and may also be strained.  You feel it is your last chance to impart your wisdom, and he is increasingly anxious to be independent.

 The process of heading off to college – both for your student and for you – is filled with expectations.  One roadblock, however, may be that your expectations and your student’s expectations may not be the same.  Using the summer months for some frank and open talk about expectations will clear the air – and possibly avoid difficult situations later when you realize that you, or she, made some assumptions.  Good communication now will also lay the foundation for continued quality communication once your student heads off. 

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As a college parent, you want to support your college student in any way that you can.  You talk on the phone (but hopefully not too often), you send mail (students love to find something in their mailbox), you send care packages, you listen when she shares joys or worries; but there is a limit to what you can do.  In your attempts to help your student find her increasing independence and sense of responsibility, you need to help your student find and use appropriate on-campus support systems.

Your college student may continue to turn to you for help.  Or he may feel that being grown up means that he needs to do everything for himself.  In either case, he may not be finding and taking advantage of the resources available to him on campus.  Be there for him, but help him consider who else might best help him.  Ask questions and suggest that he investigate some of the possible support available on his campus.  Here are fifteen possible sources of help.

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